ok.

kenapa dalam hati ni da mula timbul rasa kelainan terhadap diriku sendiri?
musykil sesungguhnya musykil.
ketrampilan diriku sendiri secara fizikal, sudah sememangnya berbeza dengan
sewaktu seketika dahulu.
namun, apa yang aku rasa terhadap diri aku sendiri, tidak pernah seinci pun berubah
sayangku padaNYA, keluarga dan abg khairi sayang.

"ya tuhan, tunjukkan la hamba mu ini ke arah sirhatul mustaqim. jalan yang kau redhai. sesungguhnya aku adalah insan yang lemah, yang tidak pernah gagal melakukan kesilapan.."

i love all these people. they never fail to make me smile. ESP tekdee.
i miss them. if onie i have the chance to tell them that i love them.
from the bottom of my shrinkin' heart.


to suz and daman,
if onie we can be like how we used to be.
i appreciate it alot for us to be like how it is meant to be.


to lesbos,
if we wouldnt be too busy wit our own responsibilities,
we will be always together forever.
u guys never fail to make me smile.
no matter how sad i can be.
u guys noe im the most emo amongst the 3 of u.


to bestie osman,
sometime, im afraid, we're no more best of friends.
ure always on my mind even if im too bz to hi say to u at msn.
keep in touch.


to shim,haada n shahidah,
never stop to motivate me to give my very best each and every day
towards my responsibilities.
i need those.


to lesbos boyfies,
i miss u guys.
enuff said.


to fa-me-lee,
ure the pillars of my soul.
without u ppl, im a no one.
friends come and go.
but u, it can never happen.
countless arguments just make the bond go stronger.
ILY.


to sayang tekdee,
i love u with all my heart. pls dun have doubts towards me.
thanks for everything. u noe wat i mean.
and i need u always.
ILY-4ever.


im sorie if i ever hurt u ppl.
nobody's perfect.

happie bday azura.

happie bday lesbo aidah

both ppl. that are impt to me. celebrate thier bday together.

azura 20th. lesbo 21st.

may all ur wishes come true.

and all the best for ur future endevour.

take care always.

xoxo
kakak kau and ur lesbo comot.

kalau da melayu, melayu jugak. typical.
a random one. gt it frm email.

Scene: meja2 batu bawah blok

Character: Budak melayu and Pakcik Melayu.

Time: 9:00 malam

Budak was waiting for his friends. In his hands, he was playing with his cigarette box. Pakcik came and ask if this Budak is Malay or Chinese..

Budak : " i'm a malay"

Pakcik : "awak ade?" (do you have?)

Budak : " ade ape? " ( have what?)

Pakcik: "kalau awak ade, saye nak beli dari awak" (if you have it, i'll buy from you)

Budak : " ade ape lah?"(have what thing?) *tinking hard what this uncle is referring to*

Pakcik: " oh takpe takpe " ( oh nevermind then)

Budak wanted to smoke. he lighted his cigarette and suck in 3 long puff. Pakcik was looking at him when he did this, Budak then being extra kind, he offered one stick. Pakcik took it without hesitation.

Pakcik: " awak ade tak? " ( do you have or not )

Budak: *annoyed.very annoyed*

Budak knew what the Pakcik meant. probably drugs ah. like what else right could be on this Pakcik's mind. standard ah, typical like all wud say..

Budak: " oh saye tak main ah bende-bende tu semue" ( i dont deal with that kind of stuffs)

Pakcik : " kalau gitu takpe lah " ( if thats the case then its ok then ) ..

Now come the funny part. The Pakcik want to start a new conversation la konon.

Pakcik : " awak masih keje ke ape? " (are you still working or?)

Budak: " saye keje as a police" ( im working as a police)

Pakcik : *stunned.shocked.face turned pale.no answer and quickly left without hesitation*

Budak : *laughing* in his mind .. ( im only in NS la dey. training to be one. )

{ kalau melayu,memang melayu..}

maybe i shud stop blogging fr some reasons? or be like gf shims.
create one. update. update. update. then delete.
never a permanent one. iznillah dot blogspot has been around for quite a long time already.
maybe i shud consider closing it down and open up a new one.
a brand new chapter.
or stop blogging forever.

hmmmmm.

time to talk about frens.

i dun tink i have a true friends tt is. coz i started to think that true friends dun exist.
i was hurt when a fren actually commented sth well..that is hurtful i must say.
i said its a fren as i used to treat her as my close fren. a fren that i can depend on.
someone i can rely on and someone i can look out for.
but i guess now no more.

its true now. the higher authority once reminded me, frens wit everyone, close to no one.
i tot, well, if u noe how to be flexible, then just hit it wit the flow rite?
but i was wrong.
i was seriously hurt wat happened just now. not only just now, but also wat had
happened recently. im not being emotional eventho im quite well known for being sensitive,
but i should have this feelings when u tot that "We're all for one."
im lucky to have a lover like Tek. who never gives up on me. who was always there for me. who have helped me alot. pull me up when im down.

it all started with a very hurtful remark. its a 2 different thing; when ppl talked to u and when
ppl are having their own conversation wit another bunch of ppl and u eavesdropped. u have all the right in the world to comment anything under the sun IF the conversation was meant for u. but LOGICALLY, u have no right in this whole entire world to say anything if tt conversation havent got anything to do wit u. just be gone! just shut up and listen. just HUSH!
even if u dun agree on anything, think before u speak.

and apparently, not all, we, young women, have the same thoughts n thinking like you. maybe the way u see things are mature, we're way beyond maturity. just have a show of respect and tts fine for me already. we felt like we have life to move on wit, so if u tink u dun have it, then im just so sorry wit ur own lame life. if u think that u have it, then, be one. enuff said.

i wonder if u even catch wat i said. it doesnt really matter. my heart is too sore.
frens dun do that.
and just so u thought that, she, only belongs to u.
keep thinking shes urs.
im not jealous. not even a bit.
but im more hurtful to learn that youre beung such a lame-o.

{berkawan baik dengan perempuan menyakitkan hati. takdanya aku nak menambahkan kawan perempuan aku lagi.}

Semua resah hati manusiamu untuk membagi kisah atas nama cinta.
Butir air mata di setiap sujudmu seperti tak pernah cukup untuk menjagaku
Jangan butakan hati menjadi cinta yang semu..
Cinta yang semu.

Kau hembuskan ayat-ayat cinta untukku
di sela doa dalam malam-malam yang sunyi
Ampun yang engkau pinta dalam semua keraguan yg telah meliputi jiwamu.
Semoga akan membawa cintamu pada diriku dalam jalan dan ridho-Nya
Jangan butakan hati menjadi cinta yang semu..
Cinta yang semu.

"Kau hembuskan ayat-ayat cinta untukku

di tengah terik matahari dan dinginnya malam

Kau panjatkan ayat-ayat cinta pada-Nya.

Melindungi dan menjaga kisah cinta kita.."

it was a happy nite for me on friday. apart from my presentaions, it was our 200th days of being together and loved. i was all excited to meet him and the rest of the NTU mates. while i was sitting down browsing thru my notes, my eyes kept on looking ahead, hoping for tek to appear rite infront of me wit a smile. ive always love his smile. soo captivating and i simply love it.


finally when he arrived, we headed to the meeting point.( he was holding a yellow plastic bag from artfriend. me being curious, i asked him and he said its a surprise. so i just nodded my head coz i was too hungry to ask more.) at first, they told us its gonna be at Zam Zam. but when we reached there, it was crowded and they no where to be seen. my feet was aching already. its all thanks to that covered shoes i wore tt nite. and so i told tek to give Fuzz a call and ask where exactly are they. we were told tt they were at the Victory.


there was fuzz, nitty, elke and ili. rushdy will be joining us later. we ordered the food, and halfway eating, rush joined us. after the eating, tek presented the surprise for me.


and this was my reaction when he presented the surprise to me rite infront of his friends. tts ili beside me. and i was still bz scrutinizing the thing that he gave me. only god noes the exact feelings and thinking that was going around me at tt moment. i was super dooper surprised, and touched.

this is the thing that he did for me. a board with photo collages and the number 200. which represents the 200 days we've been together. it was sooooo swit of him. i was really really really really excited when i received this and i couldnt stop smiling. if the dinner was onie me and him, i wud i have go to tek's back, hug him and gave him a peck on his cheek. but too bad, rush was sitting beside tek, which made me difficult to go over. *winks* fuzz took this pic. and i love it.

rite after that, we went and chilled over at al-tazzaq. this pic here was taken by ili if im not mistaken. im not sure wat we were talking about but then i simply love this pic. and so i came up wit a dialoque..

tek: yang, mlm ni kite..ehem..ehem..bleh? *cheeky smile*

me: jgn mepek eh abg.

tek: ala yang..bleh la.. *eyes very droopy liao..*

me: behave tek..!

ROTFLMAO! tt was just a dialoque i came up wit eh. tts not wat tek said to me. hisy! selisih!

so these are the bunch of ppl that was also there. the grey one is fuzz. anti-clockwise rotation, the brown t-shirt gerl is elke. shes a great dancer i must say. and at the back, with the eyes closed, tts ili. tek told me tt everything to her is funny. shes very jovial. beside ili is nitty. a very nice and frenly guy. this pic was taken by rush.

n this is rush. a very quiet and soft guy. can i say polite? maybe la. this was only the 2nd time i met him and fuzz. maybe more to come..

we played truth or dare and smoked shisha. the whole meet up was a-ok. im fine with tek's fren and i hope they are fine wit me. tek n me left early coz im werking the nx day. we took cab and he dropped me off and we went on seperate ways.

tek sayang,

thank you for the photo collage board. i love it so much and im gonna hang it at my bedroom wall for me to see and look at everyday. thank you for everything. the love, the care and the attention that u showered and gave me. im bless to have u as my the other half. and i really hope that ure the one for me. coz the feelings for that ive been having is growing stronger and stronger each day.

when rush dared u to confess ur love and ur 200 days wit me to everyone, u did it with onie a lil hesitations. (of cos u need the whole lot of courage la kan. nur paham..) tt was a brave thing to do and im happy to noe tt ure not shy being wit me. i felt sooo special at that moment of time. when u did tt, i covered my face wit my tudung. not wanting ppl to see the tears of joy tt rolled down my cheek. simple actions like tt are good enuff to touch my heart.

once again thanks for everything. i love u and only u i wanna be with. till eternity.

mucho love.

ur love,

Nurulhuda Hamidi aka Puspawangi aka Nur

Ku peluk indah manisnya cinta,
Semuanya terasa indah,
Bagai di alam cerita cinta,
Hadir bahagia selama-lama
Katamu kekasih yang sedang kita alami,
Takkan kekal 'tuk selamanya

Mengapa kekasih,
Tiada kau percaya,
Kebenaran cerita kita
Bagaimanakah lagi untuk aku buktikan,
Selamilah pada kejujuranku
Jadikanku arjuna,
Arjuna dihatimu,
Percayalah oh puteri
Katamu kekasih yang sedang kita alami,
Takkan kekal 'tuk selamanya
Mengapa kekasih,
Tiada kau percaya,
Kebenaran cerita kita

Bagaimanakah lagi untuk aku buktikan,
Selamilah pada kejujuranku
Jadikanku arjuna,
Arjuna dihatimu,
Percayalah oh puteri
Bagaimanakah lagi untuk aku buktikan,
Selamilah pada kejujuranku
Jadikanku arjuna,Arjuna dihatimu,
Percayalah oh puteri

Bagaimanakah lagi untuk aku buktikan,
Selamilah pada kejujuranku
Jadikanku arjuna,Arjuna dihatimu,
Percayalah oh puteri
Ooooh... Percayalah bidadari.....

{ eventhough the song is more of a man singing for a gerl, but lyrics are deep.}

apologies for the long MIA. school started and i was amazingly bz. hope u understand. in the mean time, expect the MENDAKNESS @iznillah.blogspot.com

Practicum 1...LOADING...

LOADING.....
LOADING........
LOADING...........

i miss my tekdee.