i really did lots of browsing thru ytd. n found a few interestin stuffs. n by doin sth which i rarely do,my tots tt i penned down at anakmelayu was publish in the main page. cool aye. well i wrote bout schizophrenia. its kinda interesting tho. coz reading it actually makes u have better understanding in it. which what im currently doin it la.

i dunnoe why lately i have the tendency to read some stuffs which i never logically wanna read it some times ago. i always followed my intuition to read wat stuffs but this time round,im much turn on to reference, logical, mind-gobbling sort of stuffs. the content is always the vibe. n apart from all those the vocab is always bombastic. believe it or not. ive learned frolicking.

1. To behave playfully and uninhibitedly; romp.
2. To engage in merrymaking, joking, or teasing.

how i wish tt i have this enthusiatic 'wanna-noe-all' feeling when im sittin for my eng o papers, i can tell u tt its gonna be hell of a storm. i have no limitations to it anymore. urgh. now,apart from doin the stuffs tt i shud do ( u noe class deco ) i will take every single chance to read read n read. n neglecting all the things ard me. well tt can be very negative tho. coz someone actually sounded n said tt im actually neglecting him. boo me. myself. i.

its killin me now. the art thingy. ive tried to help this soul from la salle to juxtapose his pics wit colours. but urgh. it din turn out voila. it turn out rather awkward. well khai,i will help u still aite. no worries.

i was daydreaming jz now. n suddenly a tot of him flashed back. not fahmi. (i wish its him). nah not tt liar also. (eeeuw~!) its him. tt guy. whom everyone assumed i managed to change him from ah beng to ahmad. muhd azmy lor. haha. cute aye. no no. it was more to awe-inspiring .heh. n so when i opened up this box ( u noe wat i mean box) ahh ic. it was exactly 3 yrs tt i celebrated my bday wit everyone. him n my family. phew. wat a thing to rmb. then i dreamt bout lots of ppl. first was him. then fahmi. then dee's ex rusydi. heh. then azura's ex rieza. it was a total dynamic dilusion. well its synonym to deja vu. heh.

misapprehension.

misconception.

heh.

toodlez~

Andainya lelaki tahu

Ketahuilah lelaki, semakin kau lari, semakin dia menghampiri
Usah dinafikan,
Ikutlah kata hati, satu saat kau pasti jua akan bicara mengenai an-nisa

Usah dinafikan kata naluri,
Jangankan dikau manusia biasa,
Nabi Muhammad s.a.w pun sunyi tanpa an-nisa
Apa lagi yang tidak ada di syurga,
Nabi Adam masih juga rindukan Siti Hawa

Hakikatnya
Kami perlukan ar-rijal sebagai pemimpin sufi
Menelusi jalan yang penuh duri
Jangan jinakkan kami dengan harta duniawi
Itulah punca kami menjadi liar
Jangan hiburkan kami dengan kecantikan
Itulah punca kami derita
Kenalkan kami dengan mahabbah fillah
Kenalkan kami dengan cinta Allah
Zat yang kekal
PadaNya kami berserah

Kami juga punyai hasrat, impian dan amarah
Jika di lorong itu
Kau cuma menjeling sepi
Siapa lagi yang akan membongkar diskriminasi duniawi
Jika kami dah jelas bengkok
Kenapa tidak kau luruskan
Antara bohsia dan ar-rijal
Kenapa terlalu jauh dibezakan
Kalau pemimpin itu adalah syuhada
Jangan biarkan kami hanya kerana impian lelaki

Eksploitasi dan diskriminasi duniawi
Mengagungkan kami
Sehingga lahirlah Aishawarya rai, Erra fazira, Jenniffer Lopez
Kamilah women gladiator
Di ceruk mana pentas dunia pun
Kamilah teratas
Tapi, hakikatnya akhlak kami di kaki lelaki
Kami derita dengan nama
Kami liar mengejar kemewahan
Tiada janji yang abadi

Jika cinta ini kosong
Huru-haralah masyarakat
Ibu kan kehilangan anak
Suami kehilangan isteri
Bapa kehilangan puteri
Bila kami derhaka
Duniamu akan huru-hara
Bila tulang rusuk menjadi rapuh dan patah
Rosaklah jantung, hati dan limpa

Inilah akibat kerana lelaki
Akibat kami tidak kenal Tuhan
Tidak kenal diri sendiri
Apalagi mengenal lelaki

Ketahuilah ar-rijal
Jika cinta ini subur padaNya
Bahagialah dan beruntunglah dirimu
Kamilah pencipta sejarah
Sejarah Rabiatul Adawiyah telah pun terbukti
Cinta pada Yang Esa tidak berbelah bagi
Sejarah Khadijah menuntut pengorbanan

Tiada apa yang kami harapkan
Jangan biarkan kami kecewa hanya kerana
Mata hatimu yang gagal mengenali kami
Kamilah insan terhampir denganmu
Kamilah ibu, kamilah anak, kamilah teman hidupmu
Semakin kau lari, semakin kami hampiri
Siramilah kami dengan sinar Islam
Pimpinlah kami bukan kerana rupa
Kerana hati ini lebih kekal dari yang sementara

im nineteeeeeen! well its ytd tho.. teehee~!

salam loyalties.
start off the 1st dec wit a blast. received lots of sms-es. thanks all.
abg jeff sang to me on the fone. so swit of him. thanks abg syg.
then rahman. msg-ed me. saying tt he purposely MIA to surprised me wit tt.
so swit of u rahman. then followed by adek. n list shall go on. ridzwan was kinda late.
he wished me 00:02 2 dec. hehe. n was like .."ur bday ytd rite?" blur guy. hehe bt cute tho.

then the usual fiq bunchies called up. made appointment wit them.
its oways the same. every year wit them. onie tt this time round not wit iryan. if
u rmb who im referring to. everyone decided to join in. after a long time of hibernating.
some bring along their chickas. grown up aye. hehe

okie so after the bbq thingy,meet up wit the bunchies. a total of 6 cars n 3 bikes mind u~!
ok so i followed moon n frens. fiq n the rest in another. theres fika n fiance; malique. boy-t n an-D. shah, sham n fendi tag along too. fendi brought along his lil chicka. hehe so cute. then theres..erm.. okie heres the list of ppl present ytd aite..

- fika - shahril - fiq (ahem-ahem!) - mark - malique - boy*t - an-D - shah - sham - fendi n lil chicka - moon - shida - a-een - irwan - naz - naufal - hadi - putra - roy - farah - mel - ellie - faizal and the last one ejul.

n so the 26 of us. doin crazy stuffs n all. guess wat we did? fiq n frens actually planned to go to al-ameen bukit panjang or somewhere. the west side. but changed it last minute since khai cant follow. crazy jz bcoz hes not werking n cant gt free milo dinosaur they cancel it. freakz~! n so the 6 cars n 3 bikes head to changi. bought nasi lemak. otak2. air nenas. more n more fried chicken wings. 10 packs of lays. 3 bars of choc. oreo n peanut butter. coke wit lime. its heaven wit the food i tell u.
then mini performance by him. the true n dare game. the always dare game. i was dare to do pole dancing. damn~! such a maluation. okie. n we played the kick it game. damn for 3 yrs straight without fail me n hadi is oways the item. we have to do grinding n see which couple have the best position. those who lose will have their arse kicked. n of coz the best rapper n the best dj win it. woots~! we did real smooth grinding aite..

it was really a blast~!
fiq,thanks eh. seducing aye.. heh~
n tanx guys for everything~
hadi,ure great. make it big nx yr aite. love ya to bit.
best celebration ever. hehe. well its too detailed. some mite have sore eyes later.
so toodles loyalties. n bunchies.
n slackers..,im waiting aite. hehehe

peace ya'll~!

to re-gain

i wasnt really in the mood. i juz need a space to penned down all my worries n emos.
ive been really really quiet. not much interactions wit the peers. wit the goo-goo-gaa-gaa peeps. all those loud laughters are mildly fake. coz im still in the blue mood. n its killing me so bad. to whom can i pour out my tears? the peeps dun really noe wat happened. its not their fault they din paid any attentions to me but its jz tt im the one hu din took the chance to share wit them. but i jz dun see the point tho. if i were to tell them,god noes,wat can they do? wats past is past..

to norabella? well shes bz wit skool n stuffs. she have her own crisis in which she have to handle herself. i cant make her be my backbone always. i have to be at my own accord to handle n face stuffs. she have been helping me real alot. i think i should laid her off n ler her do more of her concentration on her studies. no doubt i miss her tho.

to osman? nah. he is like too good to listen to my story. i noe wat he gonna say. for sure. coz each time when i failed in any relationships n i decided to turn to him,he wud say the same thing. so i bet this time round,i wud jz keep it quiet from him. he will noe it sooner or later. n by tt time i tink im already moved on.. niways,he himself already have a gf. in which i presume he is gonna be forever n ever wit him. so lovey-dovey mindset jz dun go wit the juz-broke-up mindset. so osman is nah.. we can tok bout other things but not bout my failure relationship.

to parents? weeeeee. they are the first whom i turn to. but i cant really express the fiery furious in me. coz i can be very vulgar n teary,n im jz not up to it. actually they do appeared as the first one ok..

to cliques? they have better things to ponder abt rather then sticking wit me n listen to my sad story. who whould? i did shared wit fee n zean. well. ya i did. wit them.

i guess i will do it till here. cant list down nimore. the aches is killin me.
adios chickas~

i mish u all goo-goo-gaa-gaa gangs~!!

had a great time jz now. onie the pictures can describe the happiness n the great times tt we had jz now. well its fun meeting all u long lost peeps. esp to him. hehe live so near yet felt so far always. had spaghetti. super nice. ure a great cook shah~! niways,all the laughters n all was a blast.

salamz.

ytd hanim n ilmy came. so another unknown story burst.
guess wat.
he applied an expiry tactic on me. tt is so super lame.
i mean,the 2-yrs-ago tactic he did it on me.
shame on you muhd hamzah.

his bro,nazri came over to pass my ipod. another shameful act.

n my dad is on my side. hell yeah.
my mom told him everything. n he said how rude n dare for him
to say tt his mom wanna meet me.
guess wat my dad said.
"tak payah nak bawak mak die jumpa kakak. ayah ngan ibu sendiri dtg rumah die nak jumpa mak die."

fo0H!!

n these 3 msg-es i send to him. but no reply.
hamzah, y scared is it?
see this is the real bitch in me aite~!
suck on tt~~

first msg
"doesnt mean u return my ipod shuffle i wud keep my mouth shut bout everything.where is the one tt u said ur mom wanna meet me? n when u wanna pay up the money tt u owe me..?"

no reply..

second msg
"is this how u actually handle stuffs? come on la tactic 2 yrs ago,dun work on me ok. u asked for all these to happen. now,please dun worsen the matter..."

also no reply..

the third n the last..
"give up and admit la tt u din tell ur mom. coz seriously wat u practice on hanim 2 yrs ago,ure doin the same ting on me. exactly the same. but let me tell u this straight,its not working for crying out loud!u said u changed,but ure full of crap. proof it to me tt wat i said is all not true then. i have my own proof! n ya my dad cakap,tak payah bawak mak kau jumpa aku. mak bapak aku sendiri nak jumpa kau.."

had it.
but not settle yet.
i will not stop until he apologise to me n take back his words.
dammit.

u mess wit the wrong one muhd hamzah~

the day i lost whom i tot was my...

salam alaik.
a sad stroy to start off...

i was totally gob-smacked.
it was speechless.
i wasnt really expecting it to turn out this way.
it was rather awkward. wat i planned was totally unbearable.
it left me wit an awe. now where was i....

im supposed to end it. yeah i do n ive been trying to do it for the last few mths.
but it failed. he insist. he said we shud proceed. carry on. so i let it be.
but ytd. marked the day where everything became topsy turvy.
a guy whom ive always been asking for a split have changed my story line.
a new chapter was in fact being invented by him.
kalau da memang dasar darah keling...

he totally changed the whole story. okie i dun mind. tts wat ive been actually expecting for the past few mths. to be free from his undying arms. wat really saddens me wit his lame old joke was tt, he said im the shiok sendiri kinda gerl as he claimed tt he never wanted me to be his gf and tt is y the reasons he never actually there for me when im in need.

pathetic aye~!!

never treated me as his gf? then wat m i? all those i sayang u like the widest ocean la this la tt la.. dammit. he was such a lamer ass. such a faker. such a big fat liar. n so i did not halal all the single cents tt goes down his throat. he claimed tt he was jz treating me as his super close fren. fine by all means. i did use vulgarities on him. n waaaa. he straight complained to him mom. n he said his mom wanna meet me. coz... "harap je pakai tudung,tapi cakap macam tu. baik bukak tudung nye tu. skola tinggi2 belajar ugama. eh nabi kalau gaduh pun tak caci". n i was like watsup wit him sia? he called me names such as...

--> suar
--> bodoh
--> perasan
-->p*ki mak
--> musibat
--> sial

n the list shall go on. so i said to him back.. " eh for sure i noe u din tell ur mom coz ur own mom chase u out form the house. and pls,if u wanna argue wit me,dun involve nabi2 or worse, agama wit me. nak tgk sape lagi terror??! come on la,aku yg byk bimbing kau. bukan kau yg bimbing aku selama ni! mak kau nak jumpa aku? bawak la mak kau jumpa aku. aku sikit tak takut. nak berbual ngan aku? berbual la. eh,aku pun ader byk cerita nak blg kat mak kau.kau nye kurang ajar semua." tt shuts him up. so i asked the date n time to bring his mom to meet me. he changed other topic. claiming tt he dun owe me anything. i told him to get a calculator for himself. he cant count the money using his fingers. and so i hung up on him..

very angry wit him!

its rahter long n lengthy if i wanna penned down in one entry. conclusions. im officially off wit hamzah. whom i ever called boyfie.
eh hamzah. if u happen to read this, pls pay up wat u owe me. u din treat me as ur gf n ive been actually fooled by u rite.. this is the amount tt u owe me... dammit!

every mth w/o fail i will transfer $20
total 3 mths = $60

i paid for u ez link fare twice. each $10
total = $20

ur expenditure each time we went out $50
total goin out = $50 multiply by 3
= $150

on the 9th of august u borrowed $70

a total of = $300 u owe me.

well its equivalent to ur 1 mth pay. so pls do pay up. u want to see the real BITCH in me rite. ouh i forgot. uve been promoted to corporal rite? well its obvious theres a changes in ur pay. well i dun care. PAY UP! U BIG FAT ASS-LAMER-LIAR!!!

*pardon me for all the vulgarities.