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sadness hit me suddenly while chatting wit my bestie just now. but bestie have been wit me for such a long time, he noes wat to do whenever he gets himself in that kind of situation. well, i noe where i stand n i have to accept the fact. reasons being he n the rest made that decision is because for my own good also. but im very much in need eventho the authority has lessen abit. now, it goes more to her instead of me n im cool wit it tho. no matter wat, im still supporting it from behind. nothing big n much but still, a lil sth is always a sth to everything compared to nothing.

niways, supposedly to meet ibi today but was down with asthma n migrain. was on mc n stucked at home the whole day having my beauty sleep. it was indeed heaven la but felt very bad upon seeing my bro did all those spring cleaning alone n single handed. so me who is always have a soft spot for my lovely bro, i decided to gave him a hand. n it ended up, both of us painted the gate n cleaned up mom's crytal cupboard. threw away some unwanted stuffs. without her knowing. coz i noe it doesnt cost much anyway. got it from malay wedding under void deck. if u understand wat i mean.

tmr die die i have to do my last minute shopping, lets say if the lesbo n ibi cant accompany me, then i'll jz head on with my sis wit her laling suhaimi. bro decided to tag my mom instead. well i need to get a few of my own stuffs. i need to buy my heels. yes heels. i need the wedges but it seems that i cant find any tt fits my size. i need another baju kurung. preferably a blue one as i have oready green n black. n i need that tonic huiji for my lovely opah n aki. planned to buy for nenek oso but scared that nenek dun drink such thing. summore she dun eat chicken rice, wat makes u tink she will drink that chinese tonic stuffs? *wonders*

then as i was planning the things to do tmr, this sis of mine suddenly said, she needs to drop by ps ferst. she needs to get her perfume. darn. tts a very long journey back to back to n fro kinda thing. but im left with no choice. theres seriously no other days that we can do this last minute shopping. sun will be totally out coz im sure my mom gonna made us clean up our room. and sis have yet to bake her choc n strawberry cookies. so yeah la sun totally out. mon was like duh! its the eve of raya, n cooking gonna start as early as 1. its been a tradition to eat the 'lauk raya' at the eve of raya. its a must must for us. n im still wondering who gonna drop by sengkang to pass the lauk pauk. i hope its not me.

im drop dead worried when it reaches the end of the mth. *sigh* wish me luck loyalties.

moon asked me to go wit him to the hype up concert. im still thinking if i wanna go or not coz its onie a few days away n ive yet to decide. he cud onie get 2 tix. which is specifically for me n him. so i requested him to get for me 4 more for my gfs. but he cant. its a one time priviledge that he got the tix. so yeah la. now im still wondering. its the first day of raya. n im scared to ask my mom. i have a feelings that she wont allow me to go. im sure by then, we have yet to complete the visiting.

shoots. how neh?

jz now, while was having my beauty sleep, marque called me and ask me sth that made me jump rite from my bed. he made me think the whole day. until when the clock strucked 6 then he told me. n marque dun allow me to air it in here. so zipped it! *zip*

ergh. its a rather lenghty entry ey. *faints*

better get goin. im gonna do the stuffs tt i have to do la. all those pending stuffs. time is really running out.

salamz bloggers. ooops! whose pixie is that? heh. tts my friend. ibrahim. called him ibi. went out wit him ytd after buka. super cute aye he? yeah. he was drop dead gorgeous la kan. n i was almost stunned when i met him face to face.

met him at frenster. he viewed mine. i viewed his, then exchange email addy. then exchange hp no, then now we're close. but not till the extend of having relationship wit him la. we're just frens. ytd we went to seletar park n watched ppl play golf. it was a cool breeze n i enjoyed every single moment of it. hes a nice guy. look at all his perasan pose.

no doubt he got the potential to be a model eh? heh. he lives at toa payoh. a police coast guard at loyang base. and ride X-9. he loves to make lame jokes la kan. n i dunnoe if its a good thing or not, hes from the same base as my lovely uncle. u noe my twin uncle? yeah. n apparently, my uncle knew alot bout him. n theres this time check whereby my uncle will msg me each time this dear of mine! ooopps! this fren of mine, made stupid lame jokes.

"he super kecoh. when it comes to interacting wit his peers, hes the most excited ones." tts exactly wat my uncle said.

score point btol aku bila bobal pasal die. haha.

n one thing is that. he have this hindustani look a like. n i actually arent really comfortable wit tt. coz it really made me recalls the past. shall not mention bout it anymore. ouh but yeah la for sure, this one is a one hot looking guy la.

but still, dylan is the best! ahakz!

niways, those are the pictures of him in uniform. he said he got nth better to do, so he n his buddy took loads n loads of pictures with stupid poses. very vain rite this guy? i like the one him in the life guard jacket. so hot to the max lor.

kk enuff. i shud really stop it now.

*drooolzzz*

niways, we planned to meet again but dunnoe when. coz its a few more days to raya oready. n im drop dead bz this weekend, so i guess, during raya la i meet this dear of mine. hehe.

eh i wonder tau, wat makes me wanna blog bout him tonite?

wad daaa??!

but too bad la. ive already typed it all out, theres no way im gonna delete this entry. hehe.

k shoo fly. dun bother me. or u mite have an eye sore. eeek!

actually rite got one more pic tt i wanna upload, but im jz plain lazy to wait for it to upload. each pic took at least 3 minutes to upload seh.

tak kuasa neh. gamba die nyer pasal nak tunggu lama2. haha
k la gonna get goin.

ppl im missing..

- bell
- aidah
- moon
- marque
- late dylan
- ibi
- osman
- ec (haha!)
- fique (yelah, i cant hide it.)

k la daaaa!

dear diary,

apologies for not updating very often. im running out of ideas wat to blog about. n niways, im bz with stuffs. in which i dun wish to elaborate more on that.

sat i spent the whole day at en-naeem. after work i mean. n i din expected tt thing to happen anyways. if i was given a choice on the spot, i wish to dissappear myself from the crowd. i felt very unwelcome. well onie kak syikin, osman n firoz showed the smiley face. no doubt la i onie show faces once in a blue moon but then.. aiyah. shall not tok bout it.

wat we did? well i suddenly felt plain lazy. coz thinking bout wat happened ytd, all those thing played once again in my head, i dun have the mood. her face suddenly appeared in my mind that made me urgh!

i hate that someone. i felt very sinful but still i cant bear to hold the feelings that im feeling rite now.

sometime i decided to like pull out from that whole thing n jz dissappear from her life. so i wont have to think over n over again. n i dun have to set limitations to wat im doin. sometimes i felt like ive been watched 24/7. cos seriously, watever ure doing, ure being watched. like ytd. very uncomfortable. lucky i have my lesbo wit me. so at least. i dun feel like committing suicide.

shoots. walls have ears. doors have eyes. i need to go.

nite diary.

salamz loyalties..

i dunnoe if theres faulty or wat but it seems that everything i do is all not right. bloody hell. hmmph. wondering wats the problem neh. i wanna update but this thing happened i cant be updating it well..

in need of help. surreal help.

salam alaikz to the loyalties..

im back once again updating this thing. i was down this few days over wat had happened recently. things is soooo not cool nowadays. niways, i have to go thru a huge metaphor in life. and this is so not right. i was like in the dilemma state, about wat i did n decide, is it the correct thing to do or wat.. watever la.

on fri, went out wit my long long time ago pri sch fren. it was total madness. we laughed alot. took plenty of pictures. we ate at swensens. n chilled at starbuck. or was it coffee bean? i cant really rmb but fr wat i noe, i miss her alot. theres not a lot of changes about her. still very chatterbox n loves to smile and laugh. no she din laugh. she loves to chuckle. it was a great meet up. very improptu..

this thing will happen again insya allah in future. must make it improptu if not it wont happen. will upload the pics soon.

lesbos been asking me who is this fasha. well for wat i noe, shes an outsider. totally an outsider. i was damn furious and pissed wit her. i nearly went thru a major wrecked frenships jz because of her. she n sheikh can sit under one roof and burn them to death.

brutal aye? of cos la. this gerl ar, cannot give chance one. bloody hell! will update bout it once everything settled. this case is still pending.

ouh this morning, i woke up feeling very shocked! and worried. ive 2 proposals pending ya noe. one is for the theme board and learning studio and the other is the hari raya puasa celebration proposal. dammit man. its gonna be damn tiring to the core n stressful man.

ive yet to mention about him in my bloggie here. i once decided to announce it to u loyalties, but ive decided to give it a breathe first. nothing to rush about. true enuff, after a week, things is jz not rite. and it din happen pretty well. n recently, things are getting better amongst us. me miss him. he miss me. both wants us to be together once again, but hes scared to take the risk. n me too. we're just to naive. but the thing is, both of us have feelings for each other. that is sth in which i have to compromise wit.. as for now, we r being close but not more than frens.

till how long i have to control myself. stop myself from loving him anymore. things are not gonna happen twice and i have to accept the fact.

for the umpteenth time ive been telling myself to make me stop thinking bout him, that he is not the suitable one for me. but still, im feeling for him..

we're close frens onie for now.

p.s. I miss u shah. i noe we both want us to be together once again like how we used to. but we both dun dare to take the risk. let time heals everything.

p.s.p.s The another him is now single already. Im wondering how is he doing rite now.

i miss blogging properly. but the fact that i dun have the real motive to update n that kills me from updating. wat da.

niways, dee's birthday coming soon. well, childrens day is much sooner. n ive yet to get anything for my little ones.. damn. me n lin totally dun have the diea on wat to buy for them. majority got for theirs a bookmark. then us? still thinking beb. but time is running out.

eh i dun understand ar wats up wit her. hate her so much. i mean, i noe its not rite la say such thing, but thinking bout her is killing me lor. ive been keeping this all to myself, without even showing signs or anything, but still, i hate her alot. n i dun care if someone is getting really sores in the heart.

astaughfirullah..

maybe u think wat ive said jz now was truly rude, well wat she did to me was worse ok. im so down to the core.

to fasha,

ey pompan, selama ni, aku sabar je tau ngan kau. ok fine, kau nak klua ngan die, aku tk penah halang sbb aku tau aku ngan die takde tali ikatan, tapi kalau da dapat klua, jgn nak buat perangai, nk buat hal plak la eh. maner la prinsip kau yg kau penah agung2 kan sangat. eh pompan, aku tau, selama ni kau simpan dendam kat aku kan. tapi, knp ngan die kau nk balas dendam? masalahnya aper? grow up cket la..

ni la masalahnya kalau org ni da diibaratkan KATAK BAWAH TEMPURUNG!

go n get a life.

n fyi, die tk percaya kau langsung. tu sbb berita ni bleh smp kat aku. skg satu geng da tau kau pe busuk pe cite k. haram!

nasib ko mmg baik la ey..skg ni bulan puasa. ngan kau, aku da takde masa nk bobal sopan k. orang mcm kau tk patot dilayan baik2. patot la. skg baru aku tau sape nyer keje selama nie. musibot! ko world sana, world sini, skg kite semua tau kau yang world.

pi duduk blakang aisbok main pakau ngan kaki2 kau la wei. ko tk layak nk join ngan kitorang la!. tak sedar diri!

pegi taubat la!

*istighfar comot..istighfar..*

astaghfirullah hal'azim..