salam alaiki.

apologies for hibernating such a long time. need time to re-charge n re-gain myself. no no. im ok now.
need not to worry. yes im ok. no dun worry. im fine. doin absolutely fine. i have to learn to accept the fact. so ya. im learning.

happy news here. (coz he made me do it guys..)
i n aman together fren fren once again. he said hie to me jz now in msn. was kinda shocked. coz he totally ignore me after tt incident. no call. no msg. no late nite chat.
then suddenly jz now, he said hie to me. i was happy. shocked. n all the words to describe happy la.
so i tink, i already have someone to tok to apart from my besties bell n osman.
he is a good listener. i always share my happiness, vent my anger n cry my hearts out to him.

i simply cant tink anymore la. coz this aman eh kacau me.

*yes! u kacau me when im blogging. i cant concentrate nimore. now see. wat i wanna say now all gone. but no worries. this is a happy entry. for u k.*

today mark the day i lost him.

Muhd Jeffry Bin Jamail.

And i have to cancel all Fatimah Mohsin's stuffs.

i felt totally bereaved. lugubrious.

to, u noe hu..

it was crazy on sunday nite. i wasnt really expecting u to msg-ed me. but u did. clarifying things out. so i tot tts it. we're back to how we use to b. but u poped out a qn which u shudnt have asked me. no no. dun mistook me. i dun wanna b so secretive, but the thing is im confused. whether to tell u dat im attached or not.

reasons im confused. well. i was really in a puzzle state. to tell or not to tell. if i were to tell,im scared tt u will b like 'so wat' kinda thing. n if i dun tell,i tink i dun have to tell wat will happen coz it already happened. n it sux.

i did not expect this to happen tho. i was interested in getting to noe more bout u. but the thing is u never showed a sign. i mite be leading u on,but tts jz me. tt is the real me. i never lead anyone on. n ya for sure,i love to have a friend who is awesomely a good listener. it happened coincidentally tt ure a good listener. we share n chatted almost anything under the sun. was it really my fault n totally to be blame tt u seriously mad at me for no tellin u the truth?

well the truth is. u never showed me a sign tt u too interested in gettin to noe me better. u said u moved on since u knew me. but no i dun tink so. our late nite talks,its always about her. so to always cut tt conversation,n pay back kinda thing,i tok endlessly bout fahmi. but no,u never realise on tt. it was hurtful. sadly,truth hurt. surpassingly.

there was this one nite,tt i wanted to tok to u so bad. and ure leavin for malacca the next day. i tot i wanna have a different conversation wit u. but no. there u go,getting all emo,tellin me bout how much u miss her. n wondering wat shes doin. n think if shes happy rite now. i cant blame u. no absolutely not. but i cant take it anymore. n i cant lie to myself no more. i made an excuse, to jz end the conversation abruptly.

u said u rmb this nite. i really hope u vividly rmb this nite. its hurtful ya noe.

n now. u decided not to continue our frienship. u remain complete silent n din reply to my last msg. its the most saddening nite. saddening sunday nite.
n today, the whole day i went all gloomy. totally in doldrums. well wat do u care rite? afterall like wat u said....

"nasi da menjadi bubur pun..."

so ok la. i still wan us to be friends. close friends like how we used to. but u dun wan. i cant say anything.
im so...

mournful.
cheerless.
n languishing.

im so sorry. i noe i broke ur heart. seriously sincerely sorry.

from,the girl who was once ur fren,n who once ever like u.

******

but im happy jep is wit me. n ohh ya. u tot im wit fahmi. high chances wit him. u tot wrong.
im so sorry to u. i din meant to break ur heart. i jz dunnoe tt u moved on. i dunnoe tt u too interested in gettin to noe me better. in depth.

haiz.

totally joyless.

niway, jep dunnoe anything bout this. gonna tell him bout this.

ok. how shud i start todays entry. its gonna b maghrib in any minute. so short n simple will do i guess.

azean getting engage today to rahman after isya'. sooo happy for her. n this yr,iMAN gonna have iMAN baby soon. nez due in 3 mths time. then insya allah, noni n su will leave the single mingle world n enter the wifey world. by end of this yr. nana n fee n fad, very happy wit their own abg. far also. n erm, ouh ya. i miss out midah. she too gonna enter the wifey world dunnoe this june i tink. but the earliest amongst all gonna b nuran. this april,if im not mistaken.

wish u both Nuran n Laili happiness aite.

then me? hehe im oways happy. attached or single or attached or single. attached. fahmi msg-ed me says he wanna meet. i have to decline. i dun wan to feel being leading on. n moon is a very nice person. he is the most cool n awesome fren. zul's fiance, zulaika, jz reached s'pore. from brisbane australia. she have this modelling assigment. shes gonna appear in some designer brand lingerie. well shes got great asset. salute her for her bravery.

im goin out later after maghrib. to zean's house of coz. shes getting engage rmb? now i havent prepare for her any gift..wth~?!

kk. im goin off for now.

gift~

*salamz*

ive been doing lots of thinking for these few nites. i guess somone is trying to ignore me. or specifically tryin to avoid me. well wats up wit tt?
one minute hello there, ure funny. the other minute, silence.

no more call. msg-es. forwarded sms. y?

***

skool was fun. n m so happy at last i got to take pic wit afiq. hehe. then b4 e went home,he said i love u to me. haiz.

*heart melt*

so after work,my brain suddenly cant think anymore. i was merely sittin in my classroom n stare at the floor. ant even to twitch my nose. the questionaires tt running thru my brains are continuously running ard. left unspoken.

fee paid the taxi fares. shes rushing for some dinner thingy wit him. today jep-rey's mom 56 bday. i was asked to come to kak ita's house, but i was jz too shy to meet the relatives. well altho im kinda miss his nieces n nephew. kakak, adik n boboy.

bonafide vintage flavour is soo cool. its a combi. combi of 2 hot flavours. collaboration i think the word tt is. bonafide is him n mark. while vintage flavour is also by another local artist duo, natalie n danny. vintage flavours is a mix of funk,soul,hip hop and a touch of Jazz. cool aye.
so yar, support the locals!

WTH?!

***

i started to feel insecure. i tink onie la. but cudnt really make it up to it. sometime i feel this, sometime tt. something horrible. n even worse, horrendous! but..

i dunnoe.

gtg aite.

salam alaiki.

n so i promise tt i will update rite. here we go.

anything interesting? i dun tink so. but seriously enjoying the lil bits of time i can have wit
my kiddos. i can have my yale n kingston all to myself. get to do things on my own n my way. dun really have to care wat others have to think. one reason. my ustazah is away. shes @iman jurong.
but shes coming back this sat.

so. it starting again. soon.

bad news. i cant go to the goo-goo-gaa-gaa party. dammit. sth came up last min. n i tink them gonna b piss at me. coz i noe. ive bubbled them for 2 or 3 straight yrs. its all not on purpose. but im really trying my very best to make it.

then ytd fahmi msg-ed me. i was asleep. he msg-ed me saying tt he still do rmb me. by right i wanna reply to tt msg, but by left, im jz to exhausted n dead cold n buried, so i'll pass it. when i woke up this morn,read the msg, felt stupid for not actually replying to sms-es.

arrgh. forget it.
its a forwarded msg. maybe somone or specificallya gerl sent it to him n he forward it to me.
so no big deal i guess.
im so not gonna like it. he is leading me on.
but i love him.
dammit.

ouh. tunnel now re-open.
@ big splash. moon called me n wan me to tag along. well its not in da house la. but i have to let it go. coz ive yet to receive my cash. my pay. my salary. my wages. wat else? im waiting n waiting patiently. the first one i gonna ask out will b ma family. then my aki n opah. then feecoyid. then bell. or vice versa. bell or feecoyid, it doesnt matter tho.

im so gonna love afiq faisal. n im gonna be very angry wit a'rash. afiq is soooo cute. how i wished i cud post the video. he sang to me the barney i love u song. it was soooper doooper cute. love him to the max. bout a'rash,i dunoe wats up wit him. almost everyday came to skool crying. i dunnoe wats buggin him.

n PG is always rushing. i hate tt.

im so dehydrated. my skin is telling me tt is.
my lips are peeling. my palm looks n feels kinda try.
i need water. lots of 'em. n my throat. it sores so bad. the cough worsen it.
n he gonna be sooooo mad if he gots to find out tt i actually drink cold water every morning!

if he gots to find out. i noe hu will tell him. it wud be no other than fee or nez. it is sooo ez for nez. they live jz next block to each other. n nez kinda noe him.

i wan my narnia back!

return it to me...

nez..tlg aku~!

i wanna blog.

but american top model is now on.

so how..?

miss on this ya..

teehee!

i have a very seriously no shame gerlfren. well we've been frens for donkey years n yeah amazingly we're goin strong. wat really amused me was n frankly speaking shameful about was tt she dare to open up her mouth bout her first experience in bed.

WTH!

n i was like "hmm..uh huh.. ahh ic.. serious? shud be la ah.. i guess so.. ya kind of..uhh hmm.." coz i was partially speechless. as i have no comment on wat she was bz storytelling. i told my bestie fee bout it,n she too was like WTH!

k skool was fun jz now. i tink its bcoz my ustazah was not ard. shes not MIA or on MC but shes supposed to report to iMAN Jurong. i was supposed to report to Jurong but it seems tt the intake was small,so they onie need 1 teacher n 1 ustazah. nana n fauziah went. n so shahidah took over her place. n my ear can rest in peace.

and apparently im head over heels bout a few stuffs. m not sure if i shud mention it all coz the truth is wat recently had happened was seriously n frankly rare. i can be very confused n overly emotional. but no worries aite to all my dearies out there. im doin fine. jz fine. totally n awesomely fine. heh.

the goo goo gaa gaa got great plans for her. we're turning 20 this yr. n we're celebrating hers. its gonna be grool. i mean great. but i wanna say cool too. peh. erm. cant really mention in here tho. scared tt she mite actually check things out in here. so zip it aite!

i think i wanna blabber on n on n on. its been like ages ive updated a lengthy one. ohh yah. i read this book. titled "intuition". cant reallt recall who is the author tho. but for sure hes a local one. a malay local writer. sabiq sth sth la. cant afford to recall it. it was great. n theres lots of suspense n evil thoughts. to communicate wit sumone using the telepathy kinda thingy, n by having such powers like technopath, this is so cooool! n able to did things like bewitch alah u noe the twitching ur noise kinda thing. hehe. telekinetic la beb!

n erm. it was a something on sunday nite. he called n pour out the sadness, the hoping n the loving n the care n concern yada yada story. n tt he is someone who ever dissed me for someone else. hmm. all these fakers n immatures..

n here is the conversation btwn me n my "very friendly" neighbour:

(under the void deck, waiting for the elevator. me busy digging my bag. he bz looking at me)

him : baru balik keje ke?
me : eh tak la. baru balik holiday. (rolled eyes) (but smiling la.) (heh)
him : haha. (fake laugh) kelakar la u. da makan?
me : belom. nak belanja ke?
him : alah u ni. i tanya je. abang tak amik ke?

(the elevator door opened. i stepped in first. then him.)

me : HAH? pe die..? (step tk dengar la konon..)
him : tak. i tanya u rasa helmet i nie mcm kemik ke..? (showing me his helmet. which is obviously not dented~!)
me : hehehe. tak abang keje la.

(the door open. i walked out. turned back,smile at him n say..)

me : tactic zaman i sec 3 la nak pikat2...

(him tunduk malu la beb~!)

hahahahahhahaha!

keindahan pelangi adalah
keindahan wajahmu sayang.
yang sering bermain di
mata hati ku ini.

kau lah kekasih awal dan
akhir.
kau kekasih batin dan zahir.
setelah ku sedari,
cintamu yang abadi...

kerana kau lebih mengerti...

n ohh my goodness. ive started my jiwang'ness'!
damn~

hehe so many pics to share wit u guys. erm. from hari raya to the siblings outing. tts it la i tink.. weeee~!

start blogging : 1:08 am

yeah, im still not asleep yet. cant blame tho. i jz finish finish doin a bday card for my dad.
its hand made okie. go on dutch wit my ibu for his prezzie.
bought for him this tag heuer watch. which cost not really a bomb la as its on sale.

n so ya its his bday today!
HAPPY 43RD BIRTHDAY AYAH~!

juz now at school we had mini celebrations for hari raya haji. yeah. n theres potluck. n u cant imagine the food tt came pouring on the table.
finger food to crackers. to tidbits. muffins n cakes. jellies to even ice cream.

nasi sambal goreng pun tak laku.

n so i took a few pics. of me. n them. n more of them.
the PGs are still crying. but a lil noise la. not really bad like the first day.

n i realise sth.
i love him so much.
deep down in my heart.
fee, i bet u noe hu im referring to rite..
onie she noes wat im goin thru rite now n im seriously on cloud nine.

teehee.
my ex called me jz now.
aiyah the cina guy la. we had a short conversation. i was on my way home from skool.
he asked a bonus question : Eh Nuyol, ure attached ya?

so i tink its for me to noe n for u to find out.
and erm...anyone??!

eh i got a few pics tt im gonna upload. took jz now. n the day b4. went out wit my siblings la..the crazy love ones....

toodles~

i need printer. seriously need printer. n i need it now~!

teehee. salam alaiki.

a very interesting conversation btwn me n my student. a 2 yr old kid.
playgroup.

the rest of the kids busy crying n wailing n shouting their hearts out. this muhd a'rash came up to me n wanna strike a conversation wit me. i was consoling syahmin. syahmin kept on crying, u noe the forcing type of crying n say "nak kak ika...nak kak ika.." n i have to "ar yes. u want kak ika make sure u stop crying.." n he continue.. "nak kak ika..ane kak ika.." until when it reaches the time when he hug me n rub my cheek.."nak kak ika. ane kak ika. lambat la kak ika.." it was cute but all tt i can ans.." traffic jam la. its raining. cant u see its raining outside. she will reach soon. n she will not come to u if she saw u crying like this." he stopped crying. next 5 minutes,he continue n on n on n on.

back to a'rash..

a'rash : cheecher. asal dowang nangish?
me : they wan their mummy. but they have to promise me to keep quiet first then i bring them to their mummy.
a'rash : nape dowang mesti nangish nak mummy dowang?
me : y dun u ask tt to ur fren urself? i also dunnoe y they cry alot. must be like u rite? din cry. for sure i can bring u to ur mommy.
a'rash : ngok azhad da tk nangish eh cheecher.
me : yes. azhad is a good boy. he din cry anymore. he behave very well. now i also want u to behave ok. do not throw my toys ard. n dun smash my keyboard ok.
a'rash : a'rash nanak duduk diam2 la. a'rash nak cakap2 nak main2 nak bising2.
me : no a'rash. i had enuff wit ur frens crying already. u must help me to tell ur frens to stop crying so i can bring them to their mummy later.
a'rash : a'rash nanak. lau a'rash diam2,a'rash kena balik. a'rash nak bising2. nak dudok kat skool ame-ame. ngok cheecher.

*alahai*

bertuah betol ini anak~

im back.

apologies for not updating it frequently.

skool started. yale n kingston was a blast~!
kids screaming. teachers whining. parents complaining.
n its onie the first day.

hehe. funny ya. my yale started to came in onie today.
it was fine. my yale 1 total strength is onie 13 n turn up onie 9. heaven i tell ya.
yale two total strength n total turn up 23. theres a bit of crying n wailing here n there but still we can control n theres class management btwn me n partner.
kingston 1. since yesterday, was bleargh! lots of wailing. crying. screaming. shrieking! kicking. slapping.
i was slapped. n kicked. by one of them. amran. amzar's lil bro. hes onie 2 yrs n dunnoe how many mths. first he was slapping continuously. then seeing me ignoring his slapping. he kicked me! he kicked my chest~! it hurt ya. altho its onie a 3 yr old kick. but i jz recover from my asthma ya. then hana took him away from me n brought him to oxford. then a'rash came to me. i have to attend to the crying ones. i told a'rash to play at the computer corner. he did. azhad suddenly came to me n asked.."cheecher! botol? botol ane botol? ane botol? botol? botol? ane botol..?" continuously i tell u. n later i got to find out it was his milk bottle tt he was referring to.

cute aye.

really looking forward for tmr. by right theres story telling tt we shud prepare. but i guess we should forget bout it. coz i dun tink the kids have totally settle down. it was onie heaven for me when its yale 1. super dooper heaven-la-vida-loca.

then on my way home. i met him. the conversation goes..

nizam : yul. eh yul..wait up..!
me : (blur n looked for the voice..)
nizam : belakang u la gerl..
me : (turn ard) eh u. hie. erm. heloo.
nizam : u dari maner nie? muka mcm penat je..
me : (still blur) erm ya. baru balik dari skola. eh keje. eh tak. skola kat keje. eh no. i jz finish work, from skool.
nizam : i tunggu u kat luar gate. sampai pukul 6:15, tak nampak u pon. sekolah senyap je. ingat kan u da balik..
me : (wit blur voice) luar skola? kat gate? mayflower? eh i mean..iman? buat aper?
nizam : i nak fetch u la. wanna ask u out for dinner.. care to have dinner wit me?
me : (step jual mahal) its raining la. n im dead.
nizam : i dun care if ure cold n buried. plz. anyway,im driving. no excuse.

n i agreed. coz im hungry actually. i ate my lunch kinda late. n i guess its too late. i vomitted all out. n im hungry once again. theres lots of catching up needed. we went to sakura compass.

goodness.

he is nizam. Syaiful Nizham Asrar Bin Jalil. hes 22 this yr. currently serving his ns navy. graduated from Singapore Poly. live at hougang. how i met him? back then when im in sec 4. hes is poly if im not mistaken. we have things in common. singing. love for hiphop. into the culture. me the rapper hes the b-boy. hes also the confuse skimmer guy.

aiyah, i dun find it necessary to tell u peeps bout him. im sure u guys noe wat he wants rite..
ex-lover. dinner. fetch from work. send me home. askin if im available. wat more? need me to list down... heh.

'yang dikejar tak dapat. ni lah akibat nye,ku yang dikendong keciciran'

ape..

'tak ade rotan, akar pun jadi la.."

heh.

lelaki.

mulut manis.

habis manis sepah dibuang.

tak dapat Nadiyanah Balqis Puteri. baru nak carik Nurulhuda Hamidi.

sudah la.

simpan la hasrat murni mu itu.

overdue pics. running out of words.

its 2006!- for crying out loud~~!

salam alaiki.
im stucked at home. the DVDs n Musics n Computer keep me company.
my family members? they went fora holiday at Desaru.
n in case if u guys were wondering y im not wit them,well stop it.
im gonna tell u real soon.

IT'S BECAUSE IM DOWN WIT FEVER! FLU! AND ASTHMA!

there u go....

of all the days. holidays due in 2 days time. skool gonna re-open soon.
n ppl are trying to enjoy their every single bits left of holidays. im supposed to follow.
but then. luck was jz not by my side. my temperature is high when its middle of the nite.
i cough like nobody business. the flu jz kept on flowing. n the tissue level is decreasing.
urgh! this is bad~
seriously.

my head is spinning ard............................................................................................