4 days away to re-gain my confidence and my thinking.

met gong to pass my art stuffs. he need it for his folio. he really want so bad to go to napfa. tt guy is deep. n bell, i dunno wats up wit her. so secretive.

my dearest slacker fee 21st bday had jz passed. last sat. cant blog anything. cz she will read it n there goes my plan. dunnoe if its gonna work out but if it doesnt, the thing still still go on okie.

i actually no mood to blog la.

no more words.

Ya Allah,
Sahabat saya tak seperti sahabat Nabi saw,
Sahabat Nabi setia di sisi,
Sahabat saya datang dan pergi.

Ya Allah,
Saya muhasabah, menerawang sendiri,
Dari kecil ke saat ini,
Ramai sudah bertandang di hati,
Ramai juga yang datang dan pergi.

Ya Allah,
Sahabat ketawa, saya gembira,
Sahabat sayu, saya syahdu,
Sahabat layu, saya pilu,
Sahabat cemerlang, saya gemilang.

Ya Allah,
Kawan saya, sahabat saya,
Rahmati kami meniti usia,
Terpisah kami di alam nyata,
Temukan semula di taman syurga.

Ya Allah,
Sahabat saya, buah hati saya,
Mesra kami penawar duka,
Rindu kami menambah cinta,
Rajuk kami membuah ceria.

Ya Allah,
Silaturrahiim kami, ukhwah fillah,
Bermusuh kami, na`uzubillah,
Berpisah mati, insyaAllah,
Pengubat hati, do`a rabitah..

*warning* text in malay

salamz.

mungkin ada baiknya keluhan dan resahan hati diluahkan dalam kata-kata ibunda ku sendiri. dari itu,maka masih terpelihara identiti ku sebagai seorang anak jati melayu.

resahan yang ku rasai dan alami selama ini, menyelubungi diriku ini, telah sedikit sebanyak membuat ku menjadi tidak tentu arah. hati ku senang sangat terguris. perasaan yang menyelimuti dirku ini telah membuat ku runsing. ia telah mencapai ke tahap maksima dimana aku harus melalui gangguan emosi. jika aku harus berdepan dengan gangguan emosi, rutin seharian hidup ku terganggu. kocar-kacir. kacau-bilau.

hati ku sayu bila mengenang kan nasib. adakah aku harus menghadapi semua ini dengan sendirinya? sesungguh nya aku ini insan yang lemah. tidak pernah diriku ini dianggap sebagai seorang yang boleh dijadikan contoh pada sesiapa pun. identiti ku masih tersembunyi. sedangkan aku sendiri mencari di celaha-celahan liang roma ku. adakah aku harus terima semua hakikat ini? mengapa adanya perasaan dan masalah sedemikian rupa? aku amat memerlukan sokongan moral. sokongan emosi. sudah menjadi lohmafuz hidup, wanita itu adalah kaum yang lemah. namun, masa dan keadaan telah mengubah segala-galanya. zaman ikut aras kemodenan, masa akan terus-terusan meninggalkan kita. dan semakin hari, tua mengejar. kita?

teman disekeliling ku. rakan. sahabat. kawan.
kerja. tanggungjawab. rutin hidup. keluarga. kewangan. teman hidup. mengapa adanya ini semua? tidak usah mempertikaikan apa yang sudah menjadi lumrah kehidupan seharian. tiada gunanya untuk berdiskusi mengenainya. setiap perkara terjadi, pasti ada hikmahnya. terjadinya sesuatu selalunya diluar jangkaan. kita tidak dapat mengelak. bersembunyi. ku dambakan sentuhan nurani. ku terasa kehilangan sangat.

mengikut irama Qumran, ramai yang bersuara kita sudah merdeka. merdeka kah kita? sedangkan kita masih takut. masih dalam koma. pantang ditegur. PHD. perasaan hasad dengki. rayuanku... sedar lah dari mimpi. bangun dan terus lari menuju destinasi. capai kan impian dihati. hitung lah segala nisbah..

*warning* text in malay

salamz.

mungkin ada baiknya keluhan dan resahan hati diluahkan dalam kata-kata ibunda ku sendiri. dari itu,maka masih terpelihara identiti ku sebagai seorang anak jati melayu.

resahan yang ku rasai dan alami selama ini, menyelubungi diriku ini, telah sedikit sebanyak membuat ku menjadi tidak tentu arah. hati ku senang sangat terguris. perasaan yang menyelimuti dirku ini telah membuat ku runsing. ia telah mencapai ke tahap maksima dimana aku harus melalui gangguan emosi. jika aku harus berdepan dengan gangguan emosi, rutin seharian hidup ku terganggu. kocar-kacir. kacau-bilau.

hati ku sayu bila mengenang kan nasib. adakah aku harus menghadapi semua ini dengan sendirinya? sesungguh nya aku ini insan yang lemah. tidak pernah diriku ini dianggap sebagai seorang yang boleh dijadikan contoh pada sesiapa pun. identiti ku masih tersembunyi. sedangkan aku sendiri mencari di celaha-celahan liang roma ku. adakah aku harus terima semua hakikat ini? mengapa adanya perasaan dan masalah sedemikian rupa? aku amat memerlukan sokongan moral. sokongan emosi. sudah menjadi lohmafuz hidup, wanita itu adalah kaum yang lemah. namun, masa dan keadaan telah mengubah segala-galanya. zaman ikut aras kemodenan, masa akan terus-terusan meninggalkan kita. dan semakin hari, tua mengejar. kita?

teman disekeliling ku. rakan. sahabat. kawan.
kerja. tanggungjawab. rutin hidup. keluarga. kewangan. teman hidup. mengapa adanya ini semua? tidak usah mempertikaikan apa yang sudah menjadi lumrah kehidupan seharian. tiada gunanya untuk berdiskusi mengenainya. setiap perkara terjadi, pasti ada hikmahnya. terjadinya sesuatu selalunya diluar jangkaan. kita tidak dapat mengelak. bersembunyi. ku dambakan sentuhan nurani. ku terasa kehilangan sangat.

mengikut irama Qumran, ramai yang bersuara kita sudah merdeka. merdeka kah kita? sedangkan kita masih takut. masih dalam koma. pantang ditegur. PHD. perasaan hasad dengki. rayuanku... sedar lah dari mimpi. bangun dan terus lari menuju destinasi. capai kan impian dihati. hitung lah segala nisbah..

"one day i'll buy you a dozen of roses and tie them in a bundle. i'll put a plastic rose in the middle, then tell you i'll love you till the last rose withers.."

ders supposed to be an entry dated ytd. but looks like its not posted n went missing jz like tt. it doesnt matter anyway coz nth tt i mentioned in there was a serious one. jz a plain bloggie entry.

had my appraisal done wit mdm. woah~! it was a bless to get yale okie. received so many positive n inspiring remarks. din actually noe tt they do notice and take note bout it. me too din realise. tt they observe me behind those cubby holes n colourful fences. i was gob-smacked. very shock upon receiving the very good n positive n encouraging response n remarks from mdm. she made me realise tt wat i did for my kids are all noticeable. she mentioned i have the potentials to be an inspiring n capable of anything teacher. i was touched. i dunnoe if its save to mention this in my blog here. hope it does not leak. coz mdm said, the appraisal was done between us n the four walls. i forgot tt walls do have ears.

enuff about appraisals. i ended my appraisals by thanking mdm n said tt i like this appraisal. n i receive another shocking plus i-dunnoe-hot-to-react- news. KF2006, im involve. *winkz* excited? looking forward to it? headache? countless meeting? tired? onie god noes k. i was like .."arrghhh mdm! siang2 u da blg i yg i involve ini benda?? in-charge ape plak tahun nie? i da taknak costume n wardrobe lagi eh. props pun eh.."

ytd had another conversation wit him. (",) things are goin jz fine. alhamdulillah. nth seems to corrupt anything. ouh he said ytd, dated 20th is his 'gatal' day. so i asked him, when will be "my day onie" day, he said everyday is mine. *alahai* touching.

a pvt no called me jz now. n i dun dare to ans it. so scared tt it cud be shah. cant afford to make him angry cum jealous if he finds out bout this. coz we have said to each other tt there will b no more secrets between us.

khai's media design sculpture already completed. specially for u, khai chikunainai! when u wanna treat me eh? u still owe me swensen n sofra ok. swensen lunch. sofra dinner. when eh? make it happen k. ouh n ya, feecoyid wants to see the design. the one tt u took all of the feecoyid's pic. u hit best explicit media rite..? share ar. k so for this posh showcase, i wanna have dinner @samar. @ arab st. k set? bring along the feecoyid? no sweat la khai. do picit k..

to feecoyid, krg mesti excited kan? hehhe. kite wait wait k. lup u many2..

salam alaiki.
i went to giant supermarket at marine parade parkway. its family outing. so ya. after tt we headed to east coast n slack ard there. watched the plane in the sky n i rmb him. heehee. ytd conversation was the best one. shud be reminisce forever.

called him ard 12.30 am. hung up the at 4.30am. craazie rite. tt was the longest conversation tt we had. after like so long we've been frens. made a few confessions. i was kinda touched by some of his response. then i asked him wat makes him rmb bout me. i received a few unexpected answers. tts sweet.

my hp beep. i tot it was him. but nah,it was bell. i dunnoe y each time my hp beeps, im expecting tt it wud be from him. when it is, i really smile from ear to another. i have butterflies in my tummy. i tend to get pretty excited when i was asked to call him. really looking forward to every single conversation. aiyoh watever is wrong wit me. now currently hes bz wit his exam. hope hes doin very well for it. can say he is someone who is very systematic. someone who has visions. someone who have great passion for sth n really work hard to achieve it. strive for it.
i like.

hes graduating in 2 yrs time. im scared if i lose him one day. *pernantian satu penyiksaan* i said this to him. he knew it too. but watever happen, i told him, he must never neglect his studies. his studies comes first. well as for me..i still do have mission tt needs to be accomplish. *sama2 kite memperjuangkan nye..*

i will wait for u..*winkz*

i have this very indecisive feelings. i hate it if i have this feeling bothering me.

salam alaiki loyalties.
today my saturday was a relaxing and a heavenly peaceful one for me. no ones wat home except for my sis. we literally din do anything together. while im taking my beautiful afternoon nap, shes bz sticking up her nose infront of the monitor screen. when i woke up, i felt extremely hungry. so there im having my breakfast cum lunch n early dinner. n i felt so much of plain lazy. damn freaking lazy. i ate while watching the movie 13 goin 30.

n for the first time, i cried. i mean after i finish eating la of coz. when it reaches to the ending part, the emotional part, i shed my tears. i suddenly miss my besfren osman. i was smiling n some part of it my tears rolled down my cheek. ouh i miss him so much. too bad now its the exam period, so we din really contact each other for the time being. he rarely sign in @ MSN. i really miss him alot.
n i m so much alike like Jenna Rink. well not tt she likes being thirty, flirty and thriving, but Jenna is being the soft-hearted ones. who really appreciate frenships n love her love ones so much. ouh how i wish tt me n osman is like jenna n matt. teehee.

im supposed to meet him today. but yah like wat my dearest fiq duta said, 'bubble'saurus rex is neither endangered nor extinct. so i noe for sure, no point complaining. i hate it. n so i think he suddenly rmb tt he have to call me. n it so happened tt im not in a mood to have any conversation wit anyone coz ive yet to receive any lesson plan n teaching aides from tt someone who is responsible for this. urrgh! y must this happen when its nearing the end of the term. dammit. back to my story, he called me n i was like answering the call with "heran tak heran" voice. well the truth is i m expecting for his call. ytd's conversation was really short as he have quran recital thingy, so cant chat very long. then today, he blew it. he totally forgot bout our meeting.

*I MISS HIM*

tts y.

jz now after work, on my way home. i received a call. from a cina guy. he asked if im fendi. so i said wrong no. he continue asking who is this, i hurriedly hang up the phone. then i switch off my phone n switch it on a few minutes later. did it for fun as ive changesd the welcoming note in my phone. a few minutes after i switch on my fone, the same number appeared on my cell screen. the same unknown number. then he said. "ur voice seems very familliar. is this grace?" i was like wat the hell u want la. i answered. " no la! uve got the wrong number!!" tt really made him stammers. "oo oo kk. im sorry.." *click*

nn tt wat actually happen. my very __________ saturday!

my love ones. beside slackers n feecoyid tho.

sowie for hibernating. before i go long winded..

salam alaiki to all the loyalties n bunchies. apologies for the MIA. i dun like repeating myself but u peeps jz cant rush a perfectionist. teehheee! well the truth is im juz too lazy to sit infront of the computer anymore after so many of endless-doin-assignment-nites.

kk i have a few pics to upload in here but then i jz wanna empty this heaviness feeling in my chest here. ive been very emotional jz nw @ work. ive been very patient towards her. jz now i really cant hold back anymore. i let out everything. i word vomit everything. i dun care if its gonna affect our relationship as time goes by. i had enuff.

she shudnt have force me to help her when actually its her responsibility. its her fault anyway for not doing it once she get her hands on it. now when mdm demand for it,she panicked n force me to help her. i rejected. reason being tt i have my kingston playgroup teachers comm book not being updated since chinese new yr. truth, tts her task actually. shes suppose to update it. but she heck care wit it. 'gua-suka-lu-suka' kinda thing. but jz now, i really cant wait anymore, i have jz to update it myself. so in conclusions i have soooooooo many days for kingston to update plus, yale todays update.

i have to clean up my cubby holes. it was hell messy. well i forgot to mention also tt i cater to other teacher's needs. they simply (those who din ask my permission) chuck their things into the holes, n leave it there till its dusty n wont take it back till i shouted at them like mad gerl, then they will remove it. enuff wit the shits.

n i have to update my table display. my maths n phonics table esp. tts my workload. tts excluding the PAL and CA markings. the rest of the teacher, delegate the markings wit their ustazah, but me? i ever told her before but its jz, "masuk telinga kanan, klua telinga kiri" leave me there doin all tt, alone. damn feddup. but i never complain. neither to mdm nor to the snr tcr. onie fee. haiyah. feddup la.

now no more bout all tt. time for the update. wit the slackers. here we go..

i love her so much, my besfren bell

and him, hanzahar

and him too, faiz comel a.k.a flap

tts us. hanzahar, comot and comel.

us @ escalator bugis

frens forever. love ya'll slackers!

too bad fazil gong, aizad skip and tengku fir cant join us. if not, confirm the more the merrier.

salam alaiki.

ytd was a memorable one. din expect tt it wud last till in the wee hrs.
we talked almost bout anything under the sun.

actually im still smiling while updating this thingy..

cant help it la. dunnoe y soooo happy. maybe its jz tt im happy tt we're back
to how we used to. well, to u noe hu, study hard aite. its ur exam week.
n stop reading my blog, when actually u have so many notes to read.

n stop eh reading the previous entry..

hehe

im logging off for now.
im working tmr. i have to teach. not really looking for tmr.
i dunnoe y.

salamz

wat is soooo interesting 'bout me?

i seriously dunnoe.

What is the meaning of my name, Nurulhuda.

Nurulhuda, derived from Nurulhuda, of Arabic origin,
A name meaning "Light of Guidance"

* a kind and gentle soul
* her laughter is contagious
* without equal when challenged
* her energy amazes others
* she is a good listerner
*a delightful and enchanting friend
* always bring happiness
* her nature is to love

*******

that is not sth in which i found online or cut and paste from somewhere. that is the true meaning of Nurulhuda. my mom made it a very long time ago,extract from Islamic Names Research Durban associates with Azizah International.
if u ever drop by my house n come to my room, u can see this laminated piece pasted on my bedroom door. i purposely peel it off temporary to excatly understand the meaning of it n share it in here.

im so confused. so indesicive. since the sec sch yrs, always in dilemma and cant decide anything on my own. im sad. gloomy. hurt terribly. coz i m super dooper sensitive. soft hearted. fragile. ive been very sensitive towards the ppl ard me, but y cant jz they do the same thing towards me? i respected my people coz i want to be respected. but i dun tink i gain any respect from anyone. n tt is sooo demoralising. what on earth im trying to say here is that, can u ppl pls be very sensitive towards me?

it is not my fault if my nature is to love. it stated clearly up there. *sigh* pls dun blame me or critique me by saying i fell in love so quick, i heal like a super glue or i shower my love to everyone. coz tts my nature. *bleargh* wats up wit u ppl?!

to all my long time frens in which i called them the slackers..
thanks for being the best of friens to me. i appreciate every single thing tt we do together. may our friendship last forever. i love u all. my besfren bell, fazil gong, aizad skip, tengku fir and faiz comel.

to the goo goo gaa gaa peeps (mayflower gang)..
thanks to u too. u guys have been a great fren all this while. hope theres no end to our friendship. do keep contact. its a free world. specially for dee, diana, dayak, alex, shah and other related mayflowerian's alumni.

to feecoyid, my gerlfrens..
thanks for being there for me when im in need. especially fee. thank you for always lending me ur ear n shoulder to cry on. ure such a great gerlfren. n to ayid, thanks to u too, u always n never fail to cheer me up. lots of huggies n kissies from me. your comot.

to osman, my another besfren..
8 yrs if frenship. thanks. for everything. we've been very close. hope we wont apart no matter wat insya allah. thanks for all the words of wisdom. n most importantly, thanks for having the faith in me..

n to u noe u,
thank u, for being my fren. we met in an unorthodox way. we once had a plutonic relationship. but what happened, treat it as a lesson. i do miss u. all those nites. all those phonecalls. all those cryings. and all those sharings..
n e msg tt u forwarded to me, tt is so sweet of u. after such a long time..tts the sweetest msg tt ive received from u. hope tt will not be the last one.

haiz. i tink ive been too emo tonite. this entry is soooooo emo. EMO IS IN THE AIR....

i apologise.

i dunnoe y suddenly i have this very eeky feelin. i noe i shudnt have this feeling but i juz cant help it. and the thing is i felt this strongly towards the ones who are very close to me. nah they are not my family members.

ahh. i shudnt be blogging bout this matter anymore. i once called them the rambling hyenas. but its jz tt the hyenas have changed to a new bunch. im not referring to the old ones.

i dunnoe wats up wit my msn messenger today, kept on appearing the troubleshoot box. wats up wit dat? wat? even the msn also have problem wit me issit? i had enuff aite wit the hyenas. im suppose to meet khai after werk jz now to help him ammend his sculpture. well ive mention earlier rite tt he was invited to a very posh show case. so yeah.

and i strongly agree wit syafiq duta tt, the 'bubble'saurus rex havent extinct yet.

i dunnoe y suddenly tt guy called me up and apologise to me profusely. when actually i din rmb wat he did to me? weird aint it? hehe. so i blurly asked him wats his probs and he said tt he neglected me so bad. tt he feels bad rite now. WTH?

i never mind bout tt aite.

i dunnoe tt theres a very cute good looking gorgeous head to toe guy have been eyeing me since early this yr. his fashion statement are all giorgio armani exchange eh. n he drive saab. woots! where he live? jz very next to my block, nah not tt guy's block, its the one near the 962 stop. hehehe. im overly excited. i like his name. Putra Irfan Al-Jufri.

*nengpongnengpong*

he approached me this morning la to make it a story. i also dunnoe how he got to noe tt im working as a preskool teacher and love kids. he sent to me a 9 yr old cute boy from woodlands ring pri, with a his name card attached to the toblerone choc. weee. and its all happening at 6:55 am under my void deck. bcoz of this i miss the usual bus. chet!

i dunnoe y now tt ive realised ive started every single paragraph of mine wit.. i dunnoe..i seriously dunnoe.

aiyah i dunnoe la.

salamz.

~~~Hawa,andai engkau masih remaja, jadilah anak yang solehah buat kedua ibubapamu,andai engkau sudah bersuami jadilah isteri yang meringankan beban suamimu,andai engkau seorang ibu didiklah anakmu sehingga ia tak gentar memperjuangkan ad-din Allah. ~~~

salam alaiki.

im once again back from hibernating. i jz recovered from my asthma n high fever. was shiverin from head to toe. went to the doc n took mc. got load of meds. no choice but have to take all. if i wanna feel better real quick.

many things happened while im away blogging. i was lazy to update blog as my lappy is lagging. to the max. so each time i online, all i cud do was to finish up my oending assignment. chet! i have 2 assignments pending. due this v day. hmm..

wat else. ohh ya. im done wit my practicum. weeeeeeeee. i did a great n super dooper marvellous job. my practicum went surprisingly n perfectly smooth. i got a very good rating. very proud of maself. received lots of compliments from my lecturer. so way to go!

kudos! to myself..

i tot i rmb wat i wanna say after my practicum but now i totally forgot wat im supposed to say..
damn.

k till then