damn shag. n shag.

salamz all.
i wonders alot this few days.
been gazing n day dreaming countlessly.
been very silent.
n oways wanna keep tings to myself.
to whom can i let out this evil n unsatisfied feelings?
dun feel like sharing but feel like vomitting it all out.

i nvr had this feeling b4. never.
not even once in my life.
whenever i have doubts or anything,
i will always have the tendency to share.
bt nt this time round.
i shudnt be feeling this ya noe. damn no.
i dun like this crappy n yucky feeling.

n to u.
i dunnoe if u gonna read it or not.
but i dun tink u gonna.
so. it wont make any difference tho.
i hate u la. but i love u so bad.
pls n pls i beg u.
altho u dun allow me to beg u.
be sensitive to me. understand me.
appreciate me. love me.
pls do love me while u can.
i dun wan till it reaches when u dun have the chances.
pls dun make me feel bad.
i hate to have tt feeling. its dirty.
to me. coz u noe me.
everyone noes me.
im very soft-hearted.

oh n 1 more thing.
pls.
dun take advantage of me.
i m soft. but theres the hard part in me.
dun try poking here n there.
never.

hmm.
supposingly we break dast at JB today.
but the traffic was hell jz now. imagine.
we got stuck at wdld causeway for more than 2 hrs.
n worse thing is tt,we havent even reach the traffic to the checkpoint.
so my dad decided to make a de-tour.
wasted our 2 hrs jz liddat.
so left wit no choice,we went to bukit panjang al-ameen.

the food okie okie la. dun really favour them.
coz earlier of the day already to eat sth else,but when the time come
its not wat ive wanted.
so be it lor.
im suffering from a very terrible bodyache.
and i jz found out tt osman oso not feeling well.
all bcoz of the rainy weather.
both of us 'kena' the rain. reached home but din wash up straight away,
n this is the result.

so the moral of the story children..
" rain water is harmful.."

WTH?!

at last!
imanage to post in the new entry. this few days i did not
update my blogs coz i seems to have problem posting it.
nyhoos,problem solve.

its oready the third of ramadhan. alhamdulillah.
ive been waiting for this month to come actually.
been excited bout everything,
cos i frankly wanna say tt i miss this month so much.
this is the month where all the good things are happening.

insya allah.

but watever tt goes up must sure to come down rite.
good things doesnt oways happen to me then.
its really tough for me to go thru it n all. i need patience most.
at this age,when i think once again,i dun deserve to face all these.
but i have to accept it wit open arms. ya.
its bout me n boyfie.
onie fee knew bout this. coz toking to her n letting it all out
feels really good. i wanna call call my old peeps but im scared if im bothering
them or wat. so i'd stick wit fee. n farah nadiah too.

i need faith!

salamz.

i tink im too shag to update my blog.
jz reached hm from bugis. funny thing happened jz
now while waiting for my parents to fetched.
haha too funny to tell oso.

niways,im happy khairul came up first.
n i was kinda shicked noeing tt khairul is actually liesa's
abg sedara. hehe. but my other khairil,sadly he falls on he
fourth place. haiz.

gtg la. rahman calling.

salamz

shoooooots. im panting like hell~!

niways..salams to all.
just reached hm from bugis. assignments due nx wk.
and this thurs we have the dubbing for the K2s.
4th oct we have rehearsel at the mandarin hotel.
n the next day school closure as it is the first ramadhan.
PuuuuuuuuRRRRfect...!

been trying to call tt hamzah..oops i mean my boyfie.
but to no avail. wondering wats happening.
his phone is switched off.
its impossible if the batt went flat.
argh.. to hell wit it.
if he is not being sensitive to me,y shud i.
jz now after lunch break he made me cry..
ended up all my students crowded ard me n comfort me.
and i shall repeat. my students. age 5 yrs old. comfort me.
disgraceful i tell ya crying in front of them. well..

im an emo freak.
scrrrreewwwww me!

been utterly bx wit childrens day. i have to like pump 114 balloons.
tts onie for the k2s. excluded the centre deco.
so yeah. its lucky tt wehave the pump. i'll be drop dead if i have to blow.
heh!

stupid me~

niways,before i kept on cursing myself, i'll better hit the bed now.
n im actually pissed coz i cant check my mail. it kept on
saying tt no data contain~

no data contain..u chikunainai~! its 20 UNREAD MAIL! MIND U~

till den..

ok so i jus got home from johore. wit my family.
before that went to serangoon. today is tasha's big day.
tasha is my cuzzin. im wondering if dee still do rmb
hu is this tasha. well.. she got engaged today.
to her boyfren age 24. they engage for the most 2 yrs and the least 1 yr.

heard tt after she failed her n level. she did nothing but jz slacking
n finish up her parents money. nvr had a permanent job.
no interest in studying anymore.
so she loiters here n there till she met her fiance.
he looks okie to me. typical other malay guys.
im glad tt she finally find sum2 hi can actually take care of her now.
her parents wants her to get married as fast as they can so as
to lessen their burden.
coz tasha have been causing lots of problems.
problematic la tts y.

she looks pretty jz nw. bt its the usual her. snobbish.
i dun understand y she behave tt way. bt i dun mind though.
shes engaged to my frens. n i knew him too well.
insya allah he can guide her thru the rite path.
we din even gt eye contact wit each other. neither she
salam me. so i was like, its okie la tasha. watever.
then the mom, who is my aunt came up to me n ask.
"nurul, kau bile lagi? tasha tu tak lama lagi nak kahwin.."

i simply replied.. "blom ader jodoh lagi cik ani. masih cinta monyet. da ader nnt,ader la."
n i smiled.
i was prepared to ans such qn. n it was not onie from her.
from other too, so i ans the same thing la.

niways,
me n him..
back together again. he claimed tt he cant forget me.
hmm..onie god knows.

i like him.
but im to scared to be in love wit him.
coz i scared history repeat itself.

looking at tasha now.
looking at myself..
haiz..

*still too early to think bout it though..*

all this while u were pretending,so much more for my happy ending. aint it true? i find it so so true. coz..truth hurts. n i am hurt now.

he said he dun wanna lose me. wat rubbish is tt? i gave him 2 choices.
to let go off me or to continue wit the relationships. i gave him
this 2 options coz he said,he wanna treat me as his gd fren. does
tt make any different. when im ur gf,im also ur besfren, gd fren,lover
and oso enemy. get ur points straight.

he dun wana decide. he said the answers are in
my hand. its up to me if i wanna cont wit this things but he rolled out
a few rules n i have to obey tt. what? nt enuff of controlling
now ure giving me rules to follow? ive been good ya noe.
no harsh or werd vomit anything. im thinking y he wanna keep me
n jz dun wanna lose me? ive got onie 1 answers.

but im too scared to say it to him. straight to him. my close mates think
the same too when i told them. i guess tt is so so true then. haiz. shud i say it out here?
well u noe rite. the close one maybe. i jz dun wanna say this to him.
" u dun wanna lose me coz if u lose me there will be no one tt
can support u financially rite..??!"

now tts way tooooooo harsh aite. but i noe. coz billing n expenditure,all this while
have been on me. dating n gift is all on me. shopping? enuff said.

i love him. at the same time i hate him.
this is the 2nd time im asking for a split. things jz cant go on like this.
forever i tell u.