salam alaiki.

apologies for hibernating such a long time. need time to re-charge n re-gain myself. no no. im ok now.
need not to worry. yes im ok. no dun worry. im fine. doin absolutely fine. i have to learn to accept the fact. so ya. im learning.

happy news here. (coz he made me do it guys..)
i n aman together fren fren once again. he said hie to me jz now in msn. was kinda shocked. coz he totally ignore me after tt incident. no call. no msg. no late nite chat.
then suddenly jz now, he said hie to me. i was happy. shocked. n all the words to describe happy la.
so i tink, i already have someone to tok to apart from my besties bell n osman.
he is a good listener. i always share my happiness, vent my anger n cry my hearts out to him.

i simply cant tink anymore la. coz this aman eh kacau me.

*yes! u kacau me when im blogging. i cant concentrate nimore. now see. wat i wanna say now all gone. but no worries. this is a happy entry. for u k.*

today mark the day i lost him.

Muhd Jeffry Bin Jamail.

And i have to cancel all Fatimah Mohsin's stuffs.

i felt totally bereaved. lugubrious.

to, u noe hu..

it was crazy on sunday nite. i wasnt really expecting u to msg-ed me. but u did. clarifying things out. so i tot tts it. we're back to how we use to b. but u poped out a qn which u shudnt have asked me. no no. dun mistook me. i dun wanna b so secretive, but the thing is im confused. whether to tell u dat im attached or not.

reasons im confused. well. i was really in a puzzle state. to tell or not to tell. if i were to tell,im scared tt u will b like 'so wat' kinda thing. n if i dun tell,i tink i dun have to tell wat will happen coz it already happened. n it sux.

i did not expect this to happen tho. i was interested in getting to noe more bout u. but the thing is u never showed a sign. i mite be leading u on,but tts jz me. tt is the real me. i never lead anyone on. n ya for sure,i love to have a friend who is awesomely a good listener. it happened coincidentally tt ure a good listener. we share n chatted almost anything under the sun. was it really my fault n totally to be blame tt u seriously mad at me for no tellin u the truth?

well the truth is. u never showed me a sign tt u too interested in gettin to noe me better. u said u moved on since u knew me. but no i dun tink so. our late nite talks,its always about her. so to always cut tt conversation,n pay back kinda thing,i tok endlessly bout fahmi. but no,u never realise on tt. it was hurtful. sadly,truth hurt. surpassingly.

there was this one nite,tt i wanted to tok to u so bad. and ure leavin for malacca the next day. i tot i wanna have a different conversation wit u. but no. there u go,getting all emo,tellin me bout how much u miss her. n wondering wat shes doin. n think if shes happy rite now. i cant blame u. no absolutely not. but i cant take it anymore. n i cant lie to myself no more. i made an excuse, to jz end the conversation abruptly.

u said u rmb this nite. i really hope u vividly rmb this nite. its hurtful ya noe.

n now. u decided not to continue our frienship. u remain complete silent n din reply to my last msg. its the most saddening nite. saddening sunday nite.
n today, the whole day i went all gloomy. totally in doldrums. well wat do u care rite? afterall like wat u said....

"nasi da menjadi bubur pun..."

so ok la. i still wan us to be friends. close friends like how we used to. but u dun wan. i cant say anything.
im so...

mournful.
cheerless.
n languishing.

im so sorry. i noe i broke ur heart. seriously sincerely sorry.

from,the girl who was once ur fren,n who once ever like u.

******

but im happy jep is wit me. n ohh ya. u tot im wit fahmi. high chances wit him. u tot wrong.
im so sorry to u. i din meant to break ur heart. i jz dunnoe tt u moved on. i dunnoe tt u too interested in gettin to noe me better. in depth.

haiz.

totally joyless.

niway, jep dunnoe anything bout this. gonna tell him bout this.

ok. how shud i start todays entry. its gonna b maghrib in any minute. so short n simple will do i guess.

azean getting engage today to rahman after isya'. sooo happy for her. n this yr,iMAN gonna have iMAN baby soon. nez due in 3 mths time. then insya allah, noni n su will leave the single mingle world n enter the wifey world. by end of this yr. nana n fee n fad, very happy wit their own abg. far also. n erm, ouh ya. i miss out midah. she too gonna enter the wifey world dunnoe this june i tink. but the earliest amongst all gonna b nuran. this april,if im not mistaken.

wish u both Nuran n Laili happiness aite.

then me? hehe im oways happy. attached or single or attached or single. attached. fahmi msg-ed me says he wanna meet. i have to decline. i dun wan to feel being leading on. n moon is a very nice person. he is the most cool n awesome fren. zul's fiance, zulaika, jz reached s'pore. from brisbane australia. she have this modelling assigment. shes gonna appear in some designer brand lingerie. well shes got great asset. salute her for her bravery.

im goin out later after maghrib. to zean's house of coz. shes getting engage rmb? now i havent prepare for her any gift..wth~?!

kk. im goin off for now.

gift~

*salamz*

ive been doing lots of thinking for these few nites. i guess somone is trying to ignore me. or specifically tryin to avoid me. well wats up wit tt?
one minute hello there, ure funny. the other minute, silence.

no more call. msg-es. forwarded sms. y?

***

skool was fun. n m so happy at last i got to take pic wit afiq. hehe. then b4 e went home,he said i love u to me. haiz.

*heart melt*

so after work,my brain suddenly cant think anymore. i was merely sittin in my classroom n stare at the floor. ant even to twitch my nose. the questionaires tt running thru my brains are continuously running ard. left unspoken.

fee paid the taxi fares. shes rushing for some dinner thingy wit him. today jep-rey's mom 56 bday. i was asked to come to kak ita's house, but i was jz too shy to meet the relatives. well altho im kinda miss his nieces n nephew. kakak, adik n boboy.

bonafide vintage flavour is soo cool. its a combi. combi of 2 hot flavours. collaboration i think the word tt is. bonafide is him n mark. while vintage flavour is also by another local artist duo, natalie n danny. vintage flavours is a mix of funk,soul,hip hop and a touch of Jazz. cool aye.
so yar, support the locals!

WTH?!

***

i started to feel insecure. i tink onie la. but cudnt really make it up to it. sometime i feel this, sometime tt. something horrible. n even worse, horrendous! but..

i dunnoe.

gtg aite.

salam alaiki.

n so i promise tt i will update rite. here we go.

anything interesting? i dun tink so. but seriously enjoying the lil bits of time i can have wit
my kiddos. i can have my yale n kingston all to myself. get to do things on my own n my way. dun really have to care wat others have to think. one reason. my ustazah is away. shes @iman jurong.
but shes coming back this sat.

so. it starting again. soon.

bad news. i cant go to the goo-goo-gaa-gaa party. dammit. sth came up last min. n i tink them gonna b piss at me. coz i noe. ive bubbled them for 2 or 3 straight yrs. its all not on purpose. but im really trying my very best to make it.

then ytd fahmi msg-ed me. i was asleep. he msg-ed me saying tt he still do rmb me. by right i wanna reply to tt msg, but by left, im jz to exhausted n dead cold n buried, so i'll pass it. when i woke up this morn,read the msg, felt stupid for not actually replying to sms-es.

arrgh. forget it.
its a forwarded msg. maybe somone or specificallya gerl sent it to him n he forward it to me.
so no big deal i guess.
im so not gonna like it. he is leading me on.
but i love him.
dammit.

ouh. tunnel now re-open.
@ big splash. moon called me n wan me to tag along. well its not in da house la. but i have to let it go. coz ive yet to receive my cash. my pay. my salary. my wages. wat else? im waiting n waiting patiently. the first one i gonna ask out will b ma family. then my aki n opah. then feecoyid. then bell. or vice versa. bell or feecoyid, it doesnt matter tho.

im so gonna love afiq faisal. n im gonna be very angry wit a'rash. afiq is soooo cute. how i wished i cud post the video. he sang to me the barney i love u song. it was soooper doooper cute. love him to the max. bout a'rash,i dunoe wats up wit him. almost everyday came to skool crying. i dunnoe wats buggin him.

n PG is always rushing. i hate tt.

im so dehydrated. my skin is telling me tt is.
my lips are peeling. my palm looks n feels kinda try.
i need water. lots of 'em. n my throat. it sores so bad. the cough worsen it.
n he gonna be sooooo mad if he gots to find out tt i actually drink cold water every morning!

if he gots to find out. i noe hu will tell him. it wud be no other than fee or nez. it is sooo ez for nez. they live jz next block to each other. n nez kinda noe him.

i wan my narnia back!

return it to me...

nez..tlg aku~!

i wanna blog.

but american top model is now on.

so how..?

miss on this ya..

teehee!