4 days away to re-gain my confidence and my thinking.

met gong to pass my art stuffs. he need it for his folio. he really want so bad to go to napfa. tt guy is deep. n bell, i dunno wats up wit her. so secretive.

my dearest slacker fee 21st bday had jz passed. last sat. cant blog anything. cz she will read it n there goes my plan. dunnoe if its gonna work out but if it doesnt, the thing still still go on okie.

i actually no mood to blog la.

no more words.

Ya Allah,
Sahabat saya tak seperti sahabat Nabi saw,
Sahabat Nabi setia di sisi,
Sahabat saya datang dan pergi.

Ya Allah,
Saya muhasabah, menerawang sendiri,
Dari kecil ke saat ini,
Ramai sudah bertandang di hati,
Ramai juga yang datang dan pergi.

Ya Allah,
Sahabat ketawa, saya gembira,
Sahabat sayu, saya syahdu,
Sahabat layu, saya pilu,
Sahabat cemerlang, saya gemilang.

Ya Allah,
Kawan saya, sahabat saya,
Rahmati kami meniti usia,
Terpisah kami di alam nyata,
Temukan semula di taman syurga.

Ya Allah,
Sahabat saya, buah hati saya,
Mesra kami penawar duka,
Rindu kami menambah cinta,
Rajuk kami membuah ceria.

Ya Allah,
Silaturrahiim kami, ukhwah fillah,
Bermusuh kami, na`uzubillah,
Berpisah mati, insyaAllah,
Pengubat hati, do`a rabitah..

*warning* text in malay

salamz.

mungkin ada baiknya keluhan dan resahan hati diluahkan dalam kata-kata ibunda ku sendiri. dari itu,maka masih terpelihara identiti ku sebagai seorang anak jati melayu.

resahan yang ku rasai dan alami selama ini, menyelubungi diriku ini, telah sedikit sebanyak membuat ku menjadi tidak tentu arah. hati ku senang sangat terguris. perasaan yang menyelimuti dirku ini telah membuat ku runsing. ia telah mencapai ke tahap maksima dimana aku harus melalui gangguan emosi. jika aku harus berdepan dengan gangguan emosi, rutin seharian hidup ku terganggu. kocar-kacir. kacau-bilau.

hati ku sayu bila mengenang kan nasib. adakah aku harus menghadapi semua ini dengan sendirinya? sesungguh nya aku ini insan yang lemah. tidak pernah diriku ini dianggap sebagai seorang yang boleh dijadikan contoh pada sesiapa pun. identiti ku masih tersembunyi. sedangkan aku sendiri mencari di celaha-celahan liang roma ku. adakah aku harus terima semua hakikat ini? mengapa adanya perasaan dan masalah sedemikian rupa? aku amat memerlukan sokongan moral. sokongan emosi. sudah menjadi lohmafuz hidup, wanita itu adalah kaum yang lemah. namun, masa dan keadaan telah mengubah segala-galanya. zaman ikut aras kemodenan, masa akan terus-terusan meninggalkan kita. dan semakin hari, tua mengejar. kita?

teman disekeliling ku. rakan. sahabat. kawan.
kerja. tanggungjawab. rutin hidup. keluarga. kewangan. teman hidup. mengapa adanya ini semua? tidak usah mempertikaikan apa yang sudah menjadi lumrah kehidupan seharian. tiada gunanya untuk berdiskusi mengenainya. setiap perkara terjadi, pasti ada hikmahnya. terjadinya sesuatu selalunya diluar jangkaan. kita tidak dapat mengelak. bersembunyi. ku dambakan sentuhan nurani. ku terasa kehilangan sangat.

mengikut irama Qumran, ramai yang bersuara kita sudah merdeka. merdeka kah kita? sedangkan kita masih takut. masih dalam koma. pantang ditegur. PHD. perasaan hasad dengki. rayuanku... sedar lah dari mimpi. bangun dan terus lari menuju destinasi. capai kan impian dihati. hitung lah segala nisbah..

*warning* text in malay

salamz.

mungkin ada baiknya keluhan dan resahan hati diluahkan dalam kata-kata ibunda ku sendiri. dari itu,maka masih terpelihara identiti ku sebagai seorang anak jati melayu.

resahan yang ku rasai dan alami selama ini, menyelubungi diriku ini, telah sedikit sebanyak membuat ku menjadi tidak tentu arah. hati ku senang sangat terguris. perasaan yang menyelimuti dirku ini telah membuat ku runsing. ia telah mencapai ke tahap maksima dimana aku harus melalui gangguan emosi. jika aku harus berdepan dengan gangguan emosi, rutin seharian hidup ku terganggu. kocar-kacir. kacau-bilau.

hati ku sayu bila mengenang kan nasib. adakah aku harus menghadapi semua ini dengan sendirinya? sesungguh nya aku ini insan yang lemah. tidak pernah diriku ini dianggap sebagai seorang yang boleh dijadikan contoh pada sesiapa pun. identiti ku masih tersembunyi. sedangkan aku sendiri mencari di celaha-celahan liang roma ku. adakah aku harus terima semua hakikat ini? mengapa adanya perasaan dan masalah sedemikian rupa? aku amat memerlukan sokongan moral. sokongan emosi. sudah menjadi lohmafuz hidup, wanita itu adalah kaum yang lemah. namun, masa dan keadaan telah mengubah segala-galanya. zaman ikut aras kemodenan, masa akan terus-terusan meninggalkan kita. dan semakin hari, tua mengejar. kita?

teman disekeliling ku. rakan. sahabat. kawan.
kerja. tanggungjawab. rutin hidup. keluarga. kewangan. teman hidup. mengapa adanya ini semua? tidak usah mempertikaikan apa yang sudah menjadi lumrah kehidupan seharian. tiada gunanya untuk berdiskusi mengenainya. setiap perkara terjadi, pasti ada hikmahnya. terjadinya sesuatu selalunya diluar jangkaan. kita tidak dapat mengelak. bersembunyi. ku dambakan sentuhan nurani. ku terasa kehilangan sangat.

mengikut irama Qumran, ramai yang bersuara kita sudah merdeka. merdeka kah kita? sedangkan kita masih takut. masih dalam koma. pantang ditegur. PHD. perasaan hasad dengki. rayuanku... sedar lah dari mimpi. bangun dan terus lari menuju destinasi. capai kan impian dihati. hitung lah segala nisbah..

"one day i'll buy you a dozen of roses and tie them in a bundle. i'll put a plastic rose in the middle, then tell you i'll love you till the last rose withers.."

ders supposed to be an entry dated ytd. but looks like its not posted n went missing jz like tt. it doesnt matter anyway coz nth tt i mentioned in there was a serious one. jz a plain bloggie entry.

had my appraisal done wit mdm. woah~! it was a bless to get yale okie. received so many positive n inspiring remarks. din actually noe tt they do notice and take note bout it. me too din realise. tt they observe me behind those cubby holes n colourful fences. i was gob-smacked. very shock upon receiving the very good n positive n encouraging response n remarks from mdm. she made me realise tt wat i did for my kids are all noticeable. she mentioned i have the potentials to be an inspiring n capable of anything teacher. i was touched. i dunnoe if its save to mention this in my blog here. hope it does not leak. coz mdm said, the appraisal was done between us n the four walls. i forgot tt walls do have ears.

enuff about appraisals. i ended my appraisals by thanking mdm n said tt i like this appraisal. n i receive another shocking plus i-dunnoe-hot-to-react- news. KF2006, im involve. *winkz* excited? looking forward to it? headache? countless meeting? tired? onie god noes k. i was like .."arrghhh mdm! siang2 u da blg i yg i involve ini benda?? in-charge ape plak tahun nie? i da taknak costume n wardrobe lagi eh. props pun eh.."

ytd had another conversation wit him. (",) things are goin jz fine. alhamdulillah. nth seems to corrupt anything. ouh he said ytd, dated 20th is his 'gatal' day. so i asked him, when will be "my day onie" day, he said everyday is mine. *alahai* touching.

a pvt no called me jz now. n i dun dare to ans it. so scared tt it cud be shah. cant afford to make him angry cum jealous if he finds out bout this. coz we have said to each other tt there will b no more secrets between us.

khai's media design sculpture already completed. specially for u, khai chikunainai! when u wanna treat me eh? u still owe me swensen n sofra ok. swensen lunch. sofra dinner. when eh? make it happen k. ouh n ya, feecoyid wants to see the design. the one tt u took all of the feecoyid's pic. u hit best explicit media rite..? share ar. k so for this posh showcase, i wanna have dinner @samar. @ arab st. k set? bring along the feecoyid? no sweat la khai. do picit k..

to feecoyid, krg mesti excited kan? hehhe. kite wait wait k. lup u many2..

salam alaiki.
i went to giant supermarket at marine parade parkway. its family outing. so ya. after tt we headed to east coast n slack ard there. watched the plane in the sky n i rmb him. heehee. ytd conversation was the best one. shud be reminisce forever.

called him ard 12.30 am. hung up the at 4.30am. craazie rite. tt was the longest conversation tt we had. after like so long we've been frens. made a few confessions. i was kinda touched by some of his response. then i asked him wat makes him rmb bout me. i received a few unexpected answers. tts sweet.

my hp beep. i tot it was him. but nah,it was bell. i dunnoe y each time my hp beeps, im expecting tt it wud be from him. when it is, i really smile from ear to another. i have butterflies in my tummy. i tend to get pretty excited when i was asked to call him. really looking forward to every single conversation. aiyoh watever is wrong wit me. now currently hes bz wit his exam. hope hes doin very well for it. can say he is someone who is very systematic. someone who has visions. someone who have great passion for sth n really work hard to achieve it. strive for it.
i like.

hes graduating in 2 yrs time. im scared if i lose him one day. *pernantian satu penyiksaan* i said this to him. he knew it too. but watever happen, i told him, he must never neglect his studies. his studies comes first. well as for me..i still do have mission tt needs to be accomplish. *sama2 kite memperjuangkan nye..*

i will wait for u..*winkz*

i have this very indecisive feelings. i hate it if i have this feeling bothering me.

salam alaiki loyalties.
today my saturday was a relaxing and a heavenly peaceful one for me. no ones wat home except for my sis. we literally din do anything together. while im taking my beautiful afternoon nap, shes bz sticking up her nose infront of the monitor screen. when i woke up, i felt extremely hungry. so there im having my breakfast cum lunch n early dinner. n i felt so much of plain lazy. damn freaking lazy. i ate while watching the movie 13 goin 30.

n for the first time, i cried. i mean after i finish eating la of coz. when it reaches to the ending part, the emotional part, i shed my tears. i suddenly miss my besfren osman. i was smiling n some part of it my tears rolled down my cheek. ouh i miss him so much. too bad now its the exam period, so we din really contact each other for the time being. he rarely sign in @ MSN. i really miss him alot.
n i m so much alike like Jenna Rink. well not tt she likes being thirty, flirty and thriving, but Jenna is being the soft-hearted ones. who really appreciate frenships n love her love ones so much. ouh how i wish tt me n osman is like jenna n matt. teehee.

im supposed to meet him today. but yah like wat my dearest fiq duta said, 'bubble'saurus rex is neither endangered nor extinct. so i noe for sure, no point complaining. i hate it. n so i think he suddenly rmb tt he have to call me. n it so happened tt im not in a mood to have any conversation wit anyone coz ive yet to receive any lesson plan n teaching aides from tt someone who is responsible for this. urrgh! y must this happen when its nearing the end of the term. dammit. back to my story, he called me n i was like answering the call with "heran tak heran" voice. well the truth is i m expecting for his call. ytd's conversation was really short as he have quran recital thingy, so cant chat very long. then today, he blew it. he totally forgot bout our meeting.

*I MISS HIM*

tts y.

jz now after work, on my way home. i received a call. from a cina guy. he asked if im fendi. so i said wrong no. he continue asking who is this, i hurriedly hang up the phone. then i switch off my phone n switch it on a few minutes later. did it for fun as ive changesd the welcoming note in my phone. a few minutes after i switch on my fone, the same number appeared on my cell screen. the same unknown number. then he said. "ur voice seems very familliar. is this grace?" i was like wat the hell u want la. i answered. " no la! uve got the wrong number!!" tt really made him stammers. "oo oo kk. im sorry.." *click*

nn tt wat actually happen. my very __________ saturday!